What Anxiety Feels Like to People Pleasers

By Zethu Zwane

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I’ve written several posts on how to minimize anxieties in life. It’s something I noticed held back a lot my friends and myself whenever we tried going after a certain goal. There’s always fear when you’re trying a new goal. That fear is tied to the one thing you consider your weakness or secret like body shame. Body shame will influence your relationship, and what you think you deserve in a career.Fear can be used in a good way, but most people are not fully prepared for the emotional Cost of change. I know I wasn’t when I was transitioning from settling in life to actually believing I can be a leader. I loved public speaking, yet I hated the idea of a leader because leaders accept not following popular opinions.

Leaders are always mentally prepared to take tough decisions, I wasn’t ready to let go of people pleasing. Now if you’re a people’s pleaser, you most likely fear loneliness. This is the most scary part of your journey; However, its also the most powerful chapter of your breakthrough. I’d like to help you work through these feelings today. It’s going to take a while because it means confronting your fears with being lonely. so exploring how anxiety dictates your success is my latest obsession with you. I hope the advise in these series will help you know yourself better, so you can beat the odds.

Living An Extrodinary Life in the Ordinary Comes with Letting Go of Anxiety

Consequently you’ll find several mental health tips here. From how to journal to separate fake stress from real stress to how to declutter your space when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Today I want to include the definition of anxiety that way you see how anxiety powers over areas of your life. Now when you uncover just how deep anxiety-led beliefs can limit your life, it can be daunting. Actually it’s more frustrating in the beginning of any personal journey because chances are you’ll let go of a lot of beliefs. Letting go is not easy. Emotions like denial or comparison make letting go hard.

One such season is when you start of enjoying those growth opportunities. During that time you’ll receive revelations like; “Oh I people please because that’s just what I learned culturally.” It’s possible women always look down while men always look up. That small but powerful behavior translates to women always looking down in business meetings to in the grocery store. How are you suppose to stand up for yourself when you’re facing down?

Small societal moments like this lead to the most dominant unspoken interactions. Inevitably you’ll be called to rise up and speak. You’ll need to look up and disagree with many people, hence the reason people pleasers become anxious. Asserting your beliefs and ideas can be intimidating when you’re used to going with the flow. Maybe you decided to bring God on this journey because you wanted to see what kind of breakthrough is waiting for you when God is leading your healing. Even the pain of letting go of a limiting belief can be exciting because you finally feel free. It’s exhilarating at one point.

Steps and Reminders When You want to Hide Your Worth

Pray to Love God First and ask for help to feel whole without people pleasing. If you struggle or feel anxious speaking to Jesus, write letters to Jesus with how you feel.
If you’re tired of feeling anxious to please dedicate 10 minutes per day to journaling your feelings. Read these verses about how everyone belongs to God, so you don’t need conditions to be loved.
God calls you worthy, and maybe no one has ever made you feel complete, but people are never meant to be that place. God is the only source of completeness.
Your emotions are not hiding from you because they’re dominating your life, so don’t hide from the One Jehova El Roi who can heal loneliness.
If People remember you for what you do and not the qualities you want to feel then set personal boundaries to see what happens.
When you start feeling eager to do more for someone, slow down and breath. Ask the person to wait. Ask yourself am I doing this to gain love and acceptance? If so ask the person to wait 5-minutes to 10 minutes before you respond. Take that time to remind yourself of Bible verses on your worth.
If you’re scared of being lonely, stick these Verses on every mirror in yor house. Also keep verses on your phone to recite during those 30 seconds of breathing.
Practice saying no diplomatically at work; “Currently my schedule is full, so I can only do X for you no more.”
Practice saying no diplomatically in relationships;”I love our relationship, but when you keep leaving me to do everything it makes me feel lonely. I’d appreciate more of your input when we do X together as opposed to leaving me to do everything, “

How Anxiety Falls into The Cracks of Life

Certainly it’s fate there’s also a time when many people pursuing personal growth get tired of the life lessons. It’s normal and expected, yet many are not prepared for the emotional cost of change. Preparing yourself for the emotional demands of change is the differences between successful goals and lessons learned. I want to refrain from saying failure to encourage you to see growth opportunities as a chance to grow and not fail. For now it’s more valuable to see failure as growth opportunities and pathways to successful relationships in all areas of your life.

Occasionally checking in with yourself for 30 minutes per day and asking what am I learning here is the foundation to success. Once more when I’m referring to success this could be anything from improving your relationships with family or neighbors. We all know these groups tend to be the most important in our lives because we can’t avoid family, neighbors or coworkers. What if you’re a people pleaser, and struggling with the fear of rejection? The Bible is the only place that helped me understand rejection and the anxieties I had with people pleasing. Essentially it’s great the only place that hasn’t changed over the decades. If you choose to read the Bible for yourself, my best advise is to continuously ask for discernment on your beliefs and ideas in life.. it’s okay to have the wrong ideas on life. It would be a pity to stay unchanged.

Finding God in Healing Spaces and Letting go of Begging to be Loved

I remember clear as day listening to Tasha Cobbs “I can Sense it,” which I absolutely love. This song lives in the most precious part of my being. I was about to sleep when I was just thinking about why is it so difficult to be accepted. It was now interfering with my work. I remember crushing it on one assignment. I’ve always loved work, but now I felt the worst kind of pain. Success didn’t give me belongings. It actually worsened the gap. People were now refusing to accept me no matter if I tried fitting in or not.

People screamed harsh words like “Why are you successful, you don’t deserve this reward,” is something I heard every day. I remember those days. I wanted to scream God take this situation away, but He asked me “Why don’t You feel worthy to carry this success.” Wow. Don’t you ever think that? You know you’re capable of achieving good relationships at home or work, but your yearning to belong is hindering your self worth.

Still you pray for 6 months, or spend 2 years crying and asking for the breakthrough. In those moments you rarely think about whether you feel worthy to wear the crown of God’s given success. This is one of the biggest examples of emotional demands of your prayers. This is an areas of maturity that many may not even think about, but Clemson as a surprise or demand along your personal development.

Practical Tips For You when You’re Anxious about Being The Star Player

Anxiety can be debilitating in those moments, so Physically stop what you’re doing and write Down God Truths about Your Self Worth
Remember You’re freaking out because you’re trying to be accepted as opposed to accepting yourself first
Call on God to help you accept yourself as You Are
Ask Him to Heal Your Weary Heart
Him to Help you Find Peace in Your Identity. If this is new to you, like it was to me, read Bible verses specific to your needs. If one verses stands out to you, reread it now calling on God to be that read the verse is referring.
Write down Bible verses on why it’s okay to be the IT Girl in your life. Remind yourself it’s okay to be the Lead role or starring as we say in Southern Africa! Read these on days when you’re scared to be a star player in your life.
Take 5 minutes every morning to read a verse on unlikely people God called in the Bible. Literally recite these Verses while brushing your teeth This is to show you that your life is worth much more than second best or trying to please others.
You have no control over why someone doesn’t like you. Most valuable thing I tell myself is a truly confident person has no room to hate or isolate you from a conversation, so if you’re feeling neglected, you’re dealing with an insecure person. Focus on Bible verses on letting go, so overtime your confidence is built on God’s Character and love and not putting people down
It’s okay to view this journey as a lifetime process because wanting to belong is normal, but you’re born to feel anxious. People pleasing can make you feel nervous, so Physically stopping what yore doing and reciting these Verses is a powerful first step to Peace and self acceptance.
Finally Explore one of God’s Character per week. Unlike people who have “that time of the month,” or just change of heart God is always consistent, so write down is His character as a reminder why you want to please Him above others.

Again youre valuable beyond imagination. However I’d like to remind you that hurt people hurt people. Chances are you’re also far from innocent. The most precious life lesson I’ve gained is healing frees me from hurting people the same way they hurt me.

You’re Hurting the People who Love You As a Result of Rejection

This is a tough pill to swallow, but a necessary growth opportunity needed. When you’ve experienced unresolved feelings of rejection, you’ll most likely start rejecting the ring people; people who actually want to live you. Can you relate to this one? It could be a boyfriend who you’ve forced ideas on as opposed to trying to understand his love language. You want him to understand yours first. How can I even blame you for having this belief because our entire societies are surrounded by ideas that a woman emotional needs come first. I mean all men want is sex?

Wrong because how do you explain it when men emotionally cheat. Isn’t emotional cheating when your boyfriend can cry in front of another woman or man, but not you? In some cases this is because you’ve put your needs above his. The only way you’ll be able to see whether both your needs are equal is how fast he runs to you when he needs advise. Conversely you might not be be good as giving advise.

Does this mean you can immediaty stop him from speaking to you about his problems? Aboslutely not because youre hutting people exactly the same way you’ve been hurt. This is true to your friends and family as well. If they hardly come to you for problems or leave with a worse face, chances are you’re shutting them down before they can fid peace. If so then you’re doing exactly what other people are doing to you.

The greatest issue we’re facing when it comes to healing is comparison. Comparing our hurts means one should be above another. Isn’t that the cause of people pleasing? Ill never forget when I first understood sinning. The Latin definition of sin is self betrayal because you’re hurting yourself by sinning. Let’s say if God wants you to be holy,but you spend the whole day gossiping to fit in then you’re unholy. You’ve moved yourself away from God by being nasty. Yet the minute you ask for forgiveness and work on not gossiping, you’re drawing closer to God. Similarly when you put your pains above someone else youve betrayed yourself because that’s exactly what other people are doing to you. The minute youYou first decided that you’re too scared to be above someone, but at the same time you’re making yor feelings bove your family members. If you can’t forgive yor family members for their past actions then you’re placing your feelings above theirs.

Stand away and free from these cycles

God Filling the Place of Anxiety and Abondoment

Confronting your anxieties is not a sign of weakness, but strength. People are so great at saying “Anger runs in the family,” instead of saying I learned to show anger when scared. Worse yet we’ve accepted bulliesh behavior like when someone puts someone down, we accpet it as oppose to confronting it. Remember true confidence is not based on how well you can humiliate someone. If youre truly free, it’s time to start breaking free from those generational shackles and societal trauma-led ideas. Begin with your feelings of people pleasing. If you feel nervous about not doing something for someone then you’re being kind out of fear not love.

If you’ve struggled with an eagerness to belong, finding God in healig spaces is the only way you can evolve to meet your internal desires. There’s no human or objective that can replace those feelings. Goin back to Tasha Cobbs song gave me this growth opportunity. The song played in my thoughts, and it was new this time. Only this time, it was precious.

It was like God was singing the song to me calling Himself as the place where I find peace and happiness. You know the greatest gift God has given me was becoming a curse;To be the best was the worst feeling now because no mater go great I was it was like On the other hand who’s ever ready? At this point you might want to scream “Really I’m here again,” or “Why am I still here!”

Growth Opportunities Happen For You!

During these moments you could have outgrown those limiting behaviors, but the people around you have not change. Moments like this make the song by elevation “WAIT in You,” relatable because God places you with the same people you tried avoiding to build up your perseverance. These challenges in life is to build strength and not to break you. One valuable lesson I’ve loved from other brave people living free is hurdles build character. Those moments of complexity build up tenacity.

It’s time to place yourself first. This is very reason why I list the many ways anxiety affects you, and how to overcome hidden anxieties like fake stress. Stop placing yourself last is easy when you start picking up the bread crumbs examples of when you put yourself last. Especially it’s easier to put yourself as a star player when you’re healing from rejection and abandonment. Lastly I never condone putting yourself first in a selfish way;Absolutely never. It’s a beautiful and rare quality to be someone defined by a humble confidence. Grace will only be the center of your driving force once your release all destructive anxieties in your life such as people pleasing for acceptance.

From my personal growth experiences these hiccups along the journey ey are tiring. This is due to the expectations you’ll have about your victory. Many of you carry this beliefs that victory means also changing the person who’s used to you being a people pleaser. The reality is far from this, and it’s also those moments where you’ll need to remove people from your life. You can’t have someone in your life who only likes you because you place yourself Last.

Let’s Work on Your Life Narrative

It’s important to emphasize God sometimes sees your growth like the TV series Grey’s Anatomy and that one season is a whole 18 seasons. You on the other hand want to skip season one of ending people pleasing to season 18 where you’ve matured and surprised yourself. You’re confident and exude a #Bossbabe vibe. Yet today you’re not quote there yet. As a result this post is for you, who want to understand why is it you’re still struggling to end people pleasing. Lastly this is for you if you also want some insight on how anxiety over rejection influences people pleasing.

Practice saying No. Before you agree to something Pause. Walk away if you can and come back in 15-30 minutes. This will help you determine whether this person is really struggling or they’re taking advantage of your people pleasing.
I say this because one girl started talking to me like we would become friends. She eventually started making plans to do with traveling and money. Instead of agreeing right there, I paused, I said Okay let see what happens. I noticed she was not interested in me, but my money. Thts when I backed off because literally we ear the VERY same amount. There’s going to be people who want to spend your earnings over theirs. Practice pausing before you commit or feel guilty.
If you still feel guilty, FORCE yourself to ask that person to do what you like. See how long the person is interested in yor passions. And no 4 minutes is an INSULT.
Try not to commit your choice of guilt. For some people pleasing is doing someone’s assignments, giving food or money. You use one of those items to gain a relationship. Conversely take 6 months when you start a relationship to do something unrelated to your people pleasif habits. If you tend to over do it for your friends with your time. Limit it in the first 6 months to see the value of your relationship is not based on money or your resources but you.
If you need help on activities thay don’t need money, head over to my Pinterest board. It’s a valuable place to help you learn how to build relationships unattached to your success or resources. It’s time to value you for who you are.Finally if you’re struggling to identify water this is a healthy balanced relationship or you’re beig taken advantage of, keep a journal of what you do with your friends or date. Write down God’s ideas on friends and relationships to see whether you’re in a healthy relationship.