By Zethu Zwane
This post may contain affiliate links. If you buy something from one of the links, you won’t pay a penny more, but I’ll get a small commission. I only suggest on products or items I would use.
When governments gave the clear to go back to work, how many of you also rushed back to your dreams? I’m certain many of you didn’t want to give up on your dreams. We continued to talk about supporting each other. We refused to back down and give up. We were not ready to settle for less than.
Settling was not an option. Together we believed, hoped for and encouraged each other’s dreams. Yet by now you should know there’s always a word of caution. That’s because we’re all different. We all have different desires captivating our eyes, which can also remove the focus from God. I appreciated one of my friends because she was balanced in ways I was not. We all had different weaknesses, but together it seemed possible.
Although support from friends and family is good, it can also derail your true purpose. That’s because friends, family and society tend to give advice from their lense. Having too many opinions in your life will result in decision making Fatigue because your goals are cut-outs of people’s beliefs.
People’s goals have nothing to do with you, and this something I’ll be driving home in this post. It’s okay to listen to your loved one, but always write write your plans. These accounts below are a reflection demonstrating why you need your own personalized life plan.
Decision making is ingrained in every part of your life
That’s because on an average day we take on so many decisions. In a series by American Medical Associations, one of its contributors Dr. MacLean explains that
“by the time the average person goes to bed, they’ve made over 35,000 decisions and all of those decisions take time and energy, and certainly can deplete us.”
Now imagine making these same decisions during a busy transition in your life. You’re about to get married, you’re moving into a new home or you could be moving to a new location. These are perfect example because on a normal day, some of you might feel fluttered by your family’s opinions. How much more when it’s a big chapter like relocating or your career.
In contrast you might be facing a lot of uneventful days; you’ve broken up with someone, or you’re forced out of a job. Or you could be finding work challenging. Then a global event like an economic recession, leaves you with a feeling of lack. I’ve just highlighted responses to choices before you set goals to show you why goal setting is important in avoiding fatigue. Even before you’ve starting taking action on your goals life gets busy. Relocation, or getting fired from a job is no joke, and that’s why life goals are crucials.
To a certain degree your life is similar to a drama; in one day you could have gotten a promotion, but then your car get busted and costs around R20,000. These demands need your attention immediately. When you have a written plan for both your finances and life, it’s easier to go into your book to see what’s less urgent. However when you don’t have a strategic schedule, it’s easy to get emotionally exhausted. Such events will leave you exhausted because few of you consider the emotional costs of these changes as a result of every activity needing your attention.
Endless Lists lead to Decision making Paralysis
According to the Washington State University, “decision fatigue is mental exhaustion resulting from the sheer number of decisions a person must make daily, leading to difficulty making—or making good—decisions.” This is something I’ve consistently covered on Black Couture. Besides every day pressures and aspirations I’ve mentioned above, you’ll also experience perceived stress and real stress
Fatigue from life’s choices is inevitable for a number of reasons. Firstly you don’t have a a written plan down. Secondly you’re surrounding by too many options. Thirdly you don’t accept that bad do occur. Lastly you might be overwhelmed by your own pressures. It’s exhausting living in the future, while the present is still happening.
When you’re with your friends, a lot of the conversation will be on the future. Honestly I wasn’t a fan of the “can’t wait to get married,” conversations. Although most of my friends are career focused, I realize that too can be a problem. That’s because too much future planning can lead to decision making paralysis. You need to write a separate list of values and goals.
1. Constantly living in the Future with no Concrete plan is Emotionally Damaging
You know which topic I hate the most; dating. Many women speak about dating as if every man is emotionally available. Like there is an automatic switch the minute you choose home to date. We speak about men as if every man is emotionally mature; like he knows himself and has gone through personal development. We describe men like we’re describing a pair of jeans. Yet that is far from the case. Instead what all these expectations do is cause a lot of heart break
Unlike dating that cannot be controlled, you’ve got other life plans that you can harness. Before I continue, allow me to say this again; You cannot control friends or a marriage date. When I first returned home so many people threw the statement “I should be married right now,” at my face.
They implied that I should be in a BMW car, own a house and be married. Seriously how was that even possible? It’s not like my parents believe in arranged marriages, so how will I mysteriously own all these objects upon landing from the United States Again the experiences I share below are a reminder to how crucial it is to write your own plan. Reason being there’ll be moments when you’re easily anxious, and don’t know why. For me it’s when I didn’t go back to read my goals. Instead I listened to many people’s opinions without reasserting my own goals.
How people’s expectations can leave an imprint
I was getting bored with everyone telling me to get married. Even strangers had something to say except for my family. Worse yet was all the stares. The glaring faces suggesting there’s something wrong because I wasn’t married. What’s ironic is how African culture is undecided; how are you strict about purity then when someone turns 27 or graduates from university they should come home with Bachelores degree, a husband and a baby in a stroller? Which planet are these husbands, so I can go shop for one? Nonetheless that was my reality.
Oh before I forget my favorite moment was with a customer at work. An elder customer came up to me, and we started talking. In a brief moment of reflection, he asked my age. I said I’m 28 years old. Then it’s like he wanted to jump back to make sure I wasn’t infectious; “How do you have no kids,” and I almost laughed.
My beautiful society; which one is it? Must I graduate with a pregnant belly, a toy husband and 3 children? I’m not against young mothers because our experiences are all valuable. Yet it’s tiresome having to be bombarded by friendship beliefs, parental beliefs and societal beliefs. All these realities got me thinking. The examples above reinforce how peer pressure or society’s pressures can influence you away from your goals. Even if I didn’t get pregnant, the thoughts would sometimes influenced me. Continue reading see how it changed my plans for a house.
2. Cancel People’s Opinions & End Fake Stress
There’s 2 things I’d like to say about Setting your life goals. You can’t escape conversations with your friends and family about life plans. People will always have an opinion. On the other hand recognize that people’s opinions are not Christ realities;they are worldy realities.
At one point even men had an opinion about what I deserve. Remember my series on dating; it was in response to being yelled at by 5 men. By the 5th man, I said the world must have gone craze because even men are trying to put me in my place. I’m pretty sure there’s a fake profile picture of me on a surrogate websites, because why did all of them want babies? And why are yall determined to see me pregnant?
No one was talking about generational plans or legacies. Even the men who tried sounding like we had much alike only spoke of legacies for themselves. They were only interested in populated the earth with babies. Remember when I said toxic relationships results in filling your love cup with the wrong beliefs. Here’s a perfect example!
Everyone had an opinion, but no one wanted to take responsibility. For instance everyone was pushing for marrige, but no one was endorsing healthy relationships standards. Why are you allowing misleading beliefs slow you down. I wanted to ask that because I got so tired, I didn’t even want to leave the house. All these yelling men! At this point my Fatigue came from a magnitude of people’s opinions screaming at all directions.
Peer Pressure wins When You Don’t Have a Life Goal
What I’ve just outlined is perceived stress. Perceived stress is very identical to real stress, except your treating the pressures of possibilities as real. Let me say that again; who said I must come back home with a toy husband and a BMW? Or what about the old man who jumped back because I didn’t sprout out children at 27. Now you may not agree with what people said; it definitely frustrated me, but it leaves an imprint. That’s how gennerational chains come about. Yet that’s a topic for later.
Now imagine you’re sitting at home working on your life goals then that conversation with a friend come up: “You should have a house by now,” and the thought lingers. Inevitably perceived stress lines up in your goals. Other goals are real like needing to build house in 5 years, but your friends comment is pressure acting like a real thing.
Memorable Messages are Harmful when it’s Based on Fear Based Stories
As a result, God wanted strip me of those traits that become self-serving. And at the right time because at some point, okay too many points I played mediator. When a crisis takes place tensions will always rise. I’m also in love with team culture, so it became my mission to find a middle ground. I also had to spend a lot of time doing stuff for people as opposed to collecting trophies.
Similarly when you’re at work and you feel pressure to complete an assignment because your boss is strict. Chances are if you exercise differentiating the 2, you’d be calmer. Another area that affects your goals and progress is memorable messages. These are stories told repeatedly that they end up as truths. That’s what happens to me when I wanted go build a hom. The memorable messages here is married women build homes.
Even the stories people tell can deter you like from setting a goal. I never heard a story about a single woman buying a home. I know my parents are married, but all these tales confirm one things; only married women build homes. And all of a sudden my American dream of building a home faded. I took on this project, so I could build a home, but I don’t want to be weird.
Someone from a women Studies would love this because it confirms we have a long way to go in changing the narrative of what driven women can achieve. An ambitious woman can buy a car, but not too expensive. A driven women can be a boss, but not build a home. Constantly questioning your goals is a result of not writing it down and not checking on those go’s.
Fearful Stories can Also be a Force To Create BreakThroughs
Sitting in those moments and replaying people comments can lead to analysis paralysis or decision paralysis. In seconds you could find yourself asking is this even worth it. No one around you does this, so why are you taking onthis path? Moments like those is allowing fake stress to decide your life, so how do you avoid fake stress from carving your path?
Also how do you let go of societal beliefs, parental beliefs to go after what is yours. The solution is to take on God’s perspective on goals. Chances are people’s failures are the path to success. The only difference is to plan your goals according to God as opposed to people’s expectations.
Sometimes the stories telling no, are also the stories that will lead to your breakthrough. It’s paramount to first separate people’s opinions, so you can start working on your identity in Christ.
3. Goal Setting is About Anchoring Your Identity in Christ
The most crucial step you can ever take in your life is anchoring your goals in Christ. It’s been the most valuable lesson because it stopped me from quitting on my goals. Take the examples I used above on marriage and building homes. Don’t you think I started to think there’s something is wrong with me after 5 men screamed at me. Usually men never worry about getting married and having children.
For the word of God will never fail
Luke 1:37
Anchoring your identity in Christ helps you rest and start again. During the times I started believing people about marriage, I went on coffee dates. I went on very disappointing adventures to remember men are not toys. I used to have a rigorous list of goals, so I decided to go back to square one. I also journaled, so I could release some disappointments.
Sometimes unexpected disappointments can leave you demotivated. Have you ever take on a dream that’s not for you only to end up disappointed and lost. Since I wasn’t planning on dating, I didn’t anticipate the yelling. When you prepare for something you truly want, struggles make sense. However I wasn’t ready to date, so I didn’t appreciate the struggles. Again reminding me why God’s timing is perfect.
It’s Okay to Appreciate Your Background, but Know Your Indentity in Christ.
In a different scenario life’s pressures could be coming from your parents. Parents have subtle ways of making us feel guilty for not having children at your age. I loved having conversations with my coworkers, because it confirmed a universal trait with moms. Moms never give up on showing off their kids. Sadly as funny as these shared stories are, it’s also consuming. Which is challenging considering how many adults are living at home.
The best advise I’ve gotten from Christ is to always follow Him. Try your absolute best to find Him and keep your eyes on Him. I love singing a song I learned as a Child “Open the Veils of my heart Lord,” because it reminds me of how fragile our focus is. In Christ you’ll find several attributes about you that you never thought you had. In Christ you will find confidence to take on any growth opportunity.
You know my name
Song: You know My Name by Tasha Cobbs
You know my name
You know my name
You know my name
And oh, how You comfort me
And oh, how You counsel me
Yet it still amazes me
That I am Your friend
There’s also something my dad imparted on me where I feel like my old-man-pops should have said in Full. I mean literally I hoped he would have given me the full picture. He taught me to stay out of workplace politics. Unfortunately this old man didn’t mention that when you don’t pick a side, you’ve got got work TWICE as hard to demonstrate you want whats best for everyone. By refusing to pick a side, it means I was distrusted by a lot of people. I struggled fitting in. Yet with time it’s something God harnessed to help me make good contributions. That’s because there’s are times when God’s views do not match the world.
Fortunately God had been working on me for 2 years prior. Those are the tougher growth opportunities you’ll face because if you’re like me, you’ll focus on the situation not your growth. In my earlier blog posts I mentioned facing some Swazis who didn’t like that I was a Swazi who studied in the US. I also faced Swazis who didn’t like me because of my private school accent. I was also angry because no was mentoring me. To God be the glory because it was in those lonely moments where I could see God’s plan. It wasn’t about the situation; it was about the growth.
Placing Your Identity in Christ Makes Growth Worthwhile
Yahweh knew that my ambitious demeanor would come across as selfish and self-centered. I kept on coming across people who I believed were selfish and selself-centered. A lot of my prayers involved asking why He placed me here. Then I got my answer; my competitive spirit can be off putting and many will misunderstand me.
No fire can burn me
Song: You know My Name by Tasha Cobbs
No battle can turn me
No mountain can stop me
‘Cause You hold my hand
Now I’m walking in Your victory
‘Cause Your power is within me
No giant can defeat me
‘Cause You hold my hand
Since I spent a great deal with little to no friends, I became used to just doing the job. Most people are surprised to learn I couldn’t stand a 3 minute conversation. That’s because I’m funny to certain people, but generally helpful. Yet it’s true, I didnt like talking; I was about targets and goals. Didn’t believe in socializing and found it tedious. You see selfish and self-serving.
Secondly Jesus wanted to show me the most important of all; when you work for pepple, you’ll always be a pone to fleeting beliefs. When you put more faith in people, you’ll always experience heartbreak. Not to say that you can’t trust people. You must trust people, but don’t believe to the point you make people gods. People have mood swimgs;I think that should be enough for you to get why you shouldn’t worship people.
God is the Best at Helping You let Go of anything Bad
The extent that you see them as your saving grace. Sometimes we zero in on life to the extend that we believe doctors can cure us not God . Then we pray to God about our most smallest complaints. If you love work too much, you risk idolizing y your workplace. Or you love your spouse too much then he becomes an idol.
Pivotal moments in your life hold greater meaning when you have a Supreme Saviour positioning gyour jountey. I wasn’t perfect, but the more I faced self-centered people the more I wanted to be closer to God. I could understand why they were self-serving, but I also didn’t want to become that person.
Without healing, you’re more vulnerable to becoming the same people you disliked. However Christ shows you how the same pressures turn you into a selfish person and how to undo it. Settling goals with Christ is much longer only because there’s more to value. It’s unlike your 90 days to success goals. This is a generational plan
Suppose I remained in your competitive spirit, I wouldn’t have grown to trying to serve others for a greater plan while accomplishing my own goals. Through Christ, I was able to do both. Alone I learned to shut people out the same way they shut me out. Evidently nothing is too great for God. Lastly with God, you get a fulfilling growth opportunity. Let’s pause for a moment:Do you want to grow your relationship with Christ listen to my YouTube Episde on “Will God Heal My Emotional Pain.” Don’t gaslight the power of lamenting to Christ. Even crying this is a difficult growth opportunity is what Christ wants for your journey. There’s power of expressing your weaknesses in order to find your strengths.
4. Take Responsibility & Own Your Free Will
Obviously something must have happened that I mysteriously came back with zero babies and no toy husband. Okay wait no I don’t know what happened, someone help me find a toy husbands! Only kidding. There’s steps I chose and a path I dedicated to that landed me with no toy hubbies. Fortunately it was also God’s plan, as I still needed more maturing. Imagine me married when I couldn’t talk to people for long. I’d be like “Excuse me youve spoken for longer than 3 minutes,” to my toy husband! So yes people you can’t always follow your society’s plans.
All this meant is I just came home with a bachelor’s degree. On the other hand, just because you’re not ready for marriage doesn’t mean stay selfish. You can take advantage of learning to serve others as a way of preparing you to serve your future family. Disclaimer, I know plenty people who serve outsiders and miss serving thier family.
My suggestion is to practice serving both your families and strangers. Then when you grow tired, write down why. Another word of caution is if you’re growing tired, it’s more likely you’re doing something with an expectation. When you serve other as a way to please God, there’s less days when you get tired. On the other hand, God understands we all get tired. That’s why even Jesus was comforted on days when He got tired.
This is just one example on how you can harness marriage habits while single. Taking ownership of your free will means acknowledging when you’ve taken a different path to the normal. If it’s normal for women to plan marriages and you’re not that sis yet, acknowledge that. You can still learn how to serve your families no matter the seaosn in your waiting season.
This Sounds Like Too Much Work!
Finally this looks like too much, so can I leave you with this true story. I was serving at a catering event as a university student, when a child asked me to pour them water. I gladly came over, and poured them a glass of water. The child said thank you, but the mom replied; “No dear, don’t say thank you it’s her job. What’s worse later on the mom said people like me don’t need to learn about life planning. Thats probably true if you can’t find anyone in your generational line who’s had a life plan. It’s possible if she believes caterers are used to a basic life with no direction.
Surprisingly It didn’t anger me to hear that comment. I appreciated her lack of judgment and wisdom. Her comment also reinforced the appreciation for my journey. Taking on tbe fullness of your journey gives you uncomparable wisdom. There is no one like you, so your journey is worth the many changes. What I saw that day is hundreds of people have there lives decided for them. As good as the direction is, your journey is as exciting. You get the chance to see how you weaknesses became strengths and how strengths can influence others.
Furthermore, I appreciated the list of values and goals I kept in my heart and book. It’s one thing to get angry at this woman and have no plan. It’s another thing to Laugh quietly, and keep walking in the Grace of God. The Journey will feel longer due to differences, but the growth is far valuable.
At times we don’t appreciate the roof over our heads because we’re so accustomed to it. We don’t appreciate the cars because we’re so accustomed it. Yet when you’ve grown from the smallest emotional steps to big transitional moments, there’s something for you to appreciate. Write these down and own your self will.
Free Will to Accept Your Dreams is Not another’s Responsibility
Here’s another opppsing example. I want to build a home. Yes that also means I’ve accepted looking like a strange woman who’s determined to build a home. Instead of saving toward building, I blow all my money on dresses, makeup and fitness clothes. Essentially all the goodies that make me feel like heaven. Where is the growth in that decision? Possibly hidden in the frustrations of debt. Apparently my financial excel sheet has only room for setbacks? I’m sure like many others that excel sheet contains more than just dresses and protein shakes.
Sadly I won’t be thinking about this when I come to pray pray God. I ask God for mundane stuff like “Please Lord help me overcome laziness,” which is a limiting prayer in hindsight. Why come to the most Supreme Saviour with such a mundane request? Why limit God to your own lack. Fortunately God is gracious to assist, but don’t settle where God saves.
As Joshua 1: 9 highlights:” This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Refuse to live for redundant prayers. Practice praying courageously, living humbly, always be ready to fail and keep going. Finally the most worthy character is to ask for forgiveness when you sin. I believe when you ask for forgiveness, you’re reminding yourself that’s its okay to make mistakes. Not only that, you’re also thriving to live better.
Who’s ready to take responsibility for your free will. That’s because when I was buying my 18th dress, I didn’t think twice when I went into my savings account. What happened to building that home? These are all relatable examples because we all have something we’re doing that’s going against our first goal. What’s worse when the debts escalates to beyond our control, we becomes exhausted. We’re now burned out from panicking over debt payments.
May I emphasize again that God has given us free will to choose. I believe there’s something deep and sincere when God allows you to exercise free will. For instance if I keep ignoring my pains and believe they’ll mysteriously heal, I’ll continue to hit the same road blocks. Similarly we’ve all watched poeple hit one road block in a more obvious area; dating. We all have that one person who just won’t quit the bad boys. Then like a standardized routine from The Truman Show, they cry about a break up.
Taking Responsibility for Your Free Will to Choose Toxic Patter
Break up routines is a thing for plenty of women; are you her or do you have a friend who habitualizes breakups? They have a ritual to their break ups. Whether it be spending money mindlessly, or not leaving the house for 2 weeks. I keep using the example of dates because romance is all around us. Or should I say the illusion of love is all around us. Appropriately men and women are always thinking of finding the one. There’s some urgency to finding love.
On another note, what if I didn’t choose God on those moments when I took on a new role. I wouldn’t understand why some Swazis hated my US background. I also wouldn’t appreciate the hate from regular Swazis. Everyone always found a way to know where I went, so they could scream across the bus saying I’m no longer Swazi.” And without notice another foreign label was slapped on me; diaspora. Are you sensing the pattern here. At some point the many labels and pressures will intfer with your goals when you don’t have a concrete plan. What have you written down that you can pull up when life’s pressures are too loud?
Listening To People Will Derail Your Goals and Worsen Feelings of Decision Paralysis
Reason being even when I pointed out that another private school child has the same accent to me, it didn’t make a difference. They searched the heavens to differentiate them from me. If I experienced all these moments without praying to God, I would have stayed resentful. Listening to people isnexhaustig, but whats worse it causes you to pause your dreams. Actually “Why do I have to Forgive,” is a post I wrote in response to all those people who blatantly made it a point to diffitierat me from them.
Choosing God on your journey allows you to see certain patterns. For instance people speak from what they see and not what Jesus sees. People advise from their pains and limitations, and not from the result of continuously seeing God’s sovereignty over your life. Without God, I would have have stayed disappointed. It used to be difficult being classified as Diapora because I didn’t grow up with the word. Many called me that foreigner, and I grew resentful to it. Some even suggested my foreign nature would affect my employment. Isn’t that ironic, I lived in the US classified as an alien, only to come home to be classified as an alien. It’s important to me to share these moments with you because labels can slow you down. They play in your head. Labels have a way of increasing decision making paralysis.
Still I hung out with foreigners in Eswatini, which made it worse because now I definitely was a foreigner. Admittedly I have a lot of seasons where I was cold toward people as a result to these pressures. I also stopped working on my goals. Without God, emotional fatigue would have magnified. It did during moments where I did life without Yahweh. Yet it also didn’t stay because I chose God. Those days of being stripped of resentment also led to a lot of lamenting.
Go Through The Feelings of what Labels Mean in order to Gain True Healing
Additionally choosing God meant I immediately saw where I kept going wrong with my life. It exposed where I’ve allowed too much Procrastination due to labels placed on me. Remember that house? I had scratched the entire plan. Firstly why are you letting peoples words stay in Your Head? It gave me room to edit my personal development goals. Lastly I decided to let go of a few things, so they can grow and prosper in God’s hands. Nonetheless change takes time because you’ll be inclined to yor old ways.
Three months would go by, and I would think I got it, only to realize I was acting selfishly. During months I also noticed I slapsticked Jesus next to my goals. You know pretending to say God has the reigns.
It’s only after I lost my peace while experiencing pressure did I realize I was wrong. Anyone can succeed whether they pick Jesus or not, but what I’ve gained through Christ is knowing why I failed. Failure became building blocks of success. As a result I wholeheartedly believe the path Jesus calls you to go is a path of prosperity. It’s a path away from the 100 list people shout at you. Even when you face challenges, Christ equips you emotionally to propell through those decisions.
A word of caution for not changing and not establishing concrete goals. People will hardly change, but your perspective will get worse if you continue believing this battle is yours. Lastly Jesus is a quiet voice. He’s the calmer voice you hate. Take a moment; how many times did you make a move even when the silent voice said no? Regardless of that quiet voice repeating the same thing, you charged right ahead without care. Well you didn’t care in the beginning until you hit a road block.
Watch How Your Relationships Will Influence Your Life Plans
Comparatively your intimate relationships also influence over your goals. My Pastor said you know what we exercise free will in the wrong areas. He said God calls us to remain pure until marriage, but people are still having sex. They exercise free will by saying God’s Grace will redeem me. God’s grace?
What about your lack of trust in people because of a repeated heartbreak? Yes you have the choice to sleeping with someone, but heartbreak is damaging. Furthermore why waste your days screaming at a man who is emotionally unavailable when you could be growing yourself?
Allow God to choose when you’re ready is another of how He safeguards us from feelings or betrayal. Also when God has chosen your partner, hardships Come with meaning not confusion. Difficulties have deeper meanings as opposed to allowing trauma to decisive. Without understanding the purpose of waiting on God, you’ll become resentful toward men, and loose sight of a Godly wife.
Then everyone loses because that’s whow children are born watching parents fight over who’s trauma is worse than building up a home. Arguments are unavoidable, but the point I’m trying to push across is without a plan the wrong relationships will derail healthy life goals. Lastly derailed doesn’t mean the end
For one it can lead to depression, feelings of lack. I’m more concorned with how it creates mistrust with yoyouA lot of the times a once talented woman will stop believing in herself due to a toxic boyfriend. In the same manner as when I become cold toward people, do I have a right cry when I have no friends? I took those steps to be emotionally unavailable. I exercised my free will to be a nasty person.
Similarly when you sleep with someone, You consciously invited soul ties? Imagine inherently spiritual chains you have no idea about? Now without healing you finally get married and all you do is fight with a loved one. Two marriages later you begin to believe God is punishing you for these 2 useless people you married?
My ego and I were besties. I fought my way through so much unnecessary things. At some point I have to recognize when I use my ego in this manner, I’m only tearing up to fail. Likewise when you’re serial dating without healing you’re tearing yourself up. All along that quiet voice was there. All along that quiet voice pointed to my ego. Choice is the most important weapon you have.
What’s I’ve loved about God, is how I mature overtime. First He’s the one pointing to my weaknesses, so I can be strengthened through Christ. Eventually I’m able to say:You know what that person’s comment was a weak spot for me, but I don’t have to take it.” Situations like that allow you to fully harness your journey.
Yes you have the choice to sleeping with someone, but heartbreak is damaging. For one it can lead to depression, feelings of lack. I’m more concorned with how it creates mistrust with you. In the same manner as when I become cold toward people, do I have a right cry when I have no friends? I took those steps to be emotionally unavailable. I exercised my free will to be a nasty person.
Similarly when you sleep with someone, You consciously invited soul ties? Imagine inherently spiritual chains you have no idea about? Now without healing you finally get married and all you do is fight with a loved one. Two marriages later you begin to believe God is punishing you for these 2 useless people you married?
My ego and I were besties. I fought my way through so much unnecessary things. At some point I have to recognize when I use my ego in this manner, I’m only tearing up to fail. Likewise when you’re serial dating without healing you’re tearing yourself up. All along that quiet voice was there. All along that quiet voice pointed to my ego. Choice is the most important weapon you have.
What’s I’ve loved about God, is how I mature overtime. First He’s the one pointing to my weaknesses, so I can be strengthened through Christ. Eventually I’m able to say:You know what that person’s comment was a weak spot for me, but I don’t have to take it.” Situations like that allow you to fully harness your journey.
People will hardly change, but your perspective will get worse if you continue believing this battle is yours. Lastly Jesus is a quiet voice. He’s the calmer voice you hate. No seriously I need you to admit this one; how many of you took action in an area that was not your fight? Regardless of that quiet voice repeating the same thing, you charged right ahead without care. Well you didn’t care in the beginning until you hit a road block.
This is extremely important to acknowledge. My Pastor said you know what we exercise free will in the wrong areas. He said God calls us to remain pure until marriage, but people are still having sex. They exercise free will by saying God’s Grace will redeem me. God’s grace? What about your lack of trust in people because of a repeated heartbreak? In the same manner when I don’t make efforts for personal development is it still fair to blame the man for breakups.
Similarly when you sleep with someone, You consciously invited soul ties? Imagine inherently spiritual chains you have no idea about? Now without healing you finally get married and all you do is fight with a loved one. Two marriages later you begin to believe God is punishing you for these 2 useless people you married?
Wisdom through Christ is the only way to grow. That means if you’ve spent 3 years complaining about a job, you’ve missed 3 years of worth more than gold. In Christ you can learn wisdom to meet all the pressure work throws at you. You can learn to dance in the fire.
5. Anchor Your Goals in Christ
Plot twist; God doesn’t hire lazy people! Okay I’m just kidding, He has a plan for each and every one of us. And what I mean is if you’re lazy then that is where your journey with God begins. Laziness is usually how the devil delays your life’s plans, but luckily for you John 10:10 says “the thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.
John 10:10 NLT
Meaning through God nothing is impossible includin your laziness. However do not mistaken that God will build the home or do the job. No it might mean several of your mistakes are related to laziness. God also calls us to be strong and courageous for a reason. Laziness has several hidden reaosn like having too much clutter in your life. Yahweh equips you, so you can see that are far capable of achieving what is ahead Sometimes you can becomes mentally paralyzed from too many decisions, leaving you stuck in one place. Stuck can look like not wanting to step out the house. Stuck can also like accepting to stay in the same job for 20 years. Billions of reasons could have left you there.
Feeling like you don’t deserve more, or feeling overwhelmed by what you have to do by now. Recall how the whole world expected me to have 3 kids, a toy husband, a BMW, and a house. No one will take responsibility for these people in your life. Having children is not like having a dog that you pet and ignore all day. Children are your most prized gift, and teaching them takes effort and dedication;not a fashionable thing. Lastly having kids means I would have to pay for their lifestyle;all which require some planning. Take a look at your finances. Or whetehr you’re emotionally mature to show unconditional love.
Set Godly Goals
Decision paralysis can come from listening to these pressures. Decision paralysis can also result to clutter, which I’ve written about on Black Couture. Respectively your goals also need to be anchored in Christ. Christ doesn’t move I the direction of other people. Creating a clear plan for yourself will help you differentiate people ideas from yours.
A plan with SMART goals is also advantageous, so if you face those opinions you have something to remind you. The issue with several people is the lack of written goals they can reread when life gets overwhelming. Specifically these goals can get demanding when God sets you on a different path to others. It’s the same path, but God calls you to have stronger faith than what you see. He expects you not to gossip or look for a million toy boyfriends . Seriously I’m only calling men toys in this case because women talk about men like they have no brain. He’ll just be some toy who buys endless roses and sends her love letters all day. I mean not to offend, but vent my exhaustion at being called me to be a housewife.
Now that I have that aside; goals will assist you in staying focus regardless of the circumstances. Furthermore us humans are forgetful. Who else has prayed God please remind me of my path because you started and did your own thing. Or there was a problem and you ended up believing you could fight this battle with your own strength as opposed to God’s strength. In those moments the emotional exhaustion of taking on tasks can leave you feeling lost, so I Want you to do two things
One write down your life goals. Be praying on them and always expect God to change som agendas here and there. Secondly, always write down when the Holy spirit replies, and your testimonies. Reason being we have a tendency of forgetting all the awesome things God has done for us when things get challenging. More so, the devil always throws a challenge that will make you question your path. Did you just make this goal up? The devil will play on your insecurities; why are you even doing this because you suck at math.
Creating a page for your goals and God Testimonies will help remind you of where you’re going regardless of pandemics or economic trials.
Read the Bible
I was always eager to discover who I am by reading the Bible. I turned every page using a microscope. Yet this can become disheartening especially when God wants you to trust Him, and not sit at His eyeballs poking for a plan to unfold. Literally I’m pretty sure I’ve annoyed Him to that degree where my prayers are not really prayers but bored annoyances. If this is you then reading the Bible is more about Learning who God is as opposed to seeking out a plan.
Reading the Bible will also help you see how God’s plans take time to unfold. Mostly due to where you are in your spiritual journey. Just because I learned my competitive spirit made me come across as selfish doesn’t mean I got rid of it. In fact it took so long because I found a shortcut to pretending like I was serving others. I didn’t want to stop hitting targets, but my team needed my help. It’s only God who will allow you to practice free will.
As a result, God allowed me to exercise my free will. Oddly enough the person who looked at me like I didn’t care was the most unexpected person. She was a security guard. We were talking about something, and like clock work, I put her on a 2 minute limit. Mistakenly my eyes gave me away that I had checked out of this conversation. I hated seeing her facial expression become sad.
Reason being I had made a promise to myself as a child that I would never allow someone to have that face because of me. And in that instant, I remembered why God positioned me here. To stop thinking about targets and to start serving others. Within the next month, I’d improved my performance greatly because I was serving more poeple than I could ever imagine, but also loving it.
I also had to write down that goal again; how can I serve people where I am. I also accomplished the goal because when I served people the way God plans, I achieved far beyond measure. Finally don’t ever plan something just to be thanked. You know being mediator doesn’t guarantee people will value your position or what you’re doing. This growth is to glorify God in everything. There’s a reason God wants to strip you of desperation or being competitive. Everything is set in place for His glory.
I wholeheartedly believe this is when life is fulfilling because even in the midst of chaos, you’ve received an agreed plan in Christ. Why would God leave you to loose when He’s called you to be faithful in completing the task. And sometimes failing is actually part of the task. That is my task in year 1 of having Christ as my savior and mentor.
Finally Learn to Take breaks
Breaks are paramount to your growth. Rest is also biblical. When David was fighting for the Kingdom promised, don’t you think him and his men took Breaks. Similarly prioritizing rests refocused your purpose away from those many distractions and back on the goal. Before Son of Jessie knew his purpose, God rested on the 7th day. Now imagine a Saviour who’s knowledge and power supersedes ours taking a break.
“Six days do your work, but on the seventh day do not work, so that your ox and your donkey may rest, and so that the slave born in your household and the foreigner living among you may be refreshed.” Exodus 23:12
I’m just guessing at this point, but don’t you think God wants you to take pleasure in the steps you’ve taken. Imagine if you’re like me and in a seaosn where you’re being stripped on trait you believed was your core. Following a difficult growth opportunity, you start appreciating where you’ve come from. You can only achieve this by writing down and journaling. You can only achieve this when you take those necessary break.
A lack of rest will leave you burned out, stressed and confused. Was the battle really yours. Did I really have to get rid of my competitive spirit? I’m still not appreciated. Moments like these make it so easy to turn back. Yet rest provides you with the chance to see where you’ve changed. It gives you the chance to celebrate even the smallest of changes.
You have no idea how irritated I used to get when people spoke for too long. It’s closely tied to abondonment. I believed that by not being close to people, I could avoid abondoment. Two years later and I’m having a full 2 hour conversation with people without wanting to cut them off. The reason why you do this for others is because you benefit the most. I would walk away from the conversion proud of how I’m not holding onto resentment or feeling annoyed.
Failing is part of the steps yoy need to take to become who God called you to be. Failing gives you the bet victories in life. Unlike when you’re consistently exercising your strengths, failures are that wow factor. Besides the growth, shocking yourself is the most exciting aspect of growth.
Consequently eliminating decision making Fatigue comes with practicing these small, but simple every day activities. Include them into uyour daily routine, and you’ll be surprised by how phomidible you life is. Lastly grab this free meal planner should you have a really stressful project to complete. Lastly let me know in the comments if there is anything I these steps you appreciated. And as always live a life of breakthroughs
Black Couture |Health & Wellness lifestyle blog 
I wasn’t with a toxic partner before. But I can understand the struggle of it. My best friend was in toxic relationship.
LikeLike
All of this. So so good. I love the notion of leaving behind toxic traits and negativity. Absolutely perfect.
LikeLike
This was beautifully written. I agree that learning to take breaks is essential to growing. Thanks for sharing!
LikeLike