By Zethu Zwane
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The most important reason has to be stated first. Your inner child, youthful, free and best version of yourself is unleashed without judgement. These years of your life is a moment of life free to make countless mistakes without burden.
A single season is not according to months in a year. From 18 to 25 years old or 30 to 45 years old, anyone can enjoy an era of self discovery. In doing so you’ll find many special occasions to romanticize your life.
It’s far easier to ask yourself why am I still single, but don’t do it. Stop feeling like you’ll be single forever, and instead embrace the beauty of discovering a more empowering version of yourself through Christ. Read all the way till the end to see how Jesus uses your single season to teach you how to plan and schedule for your future self.
Learn How to Romanticize Your Life
This is achieved by finding your Godly purpose while you’re waiting. Thus includes asking yourself value-led questions to help you discover your purpose. Meet up with a pastor, a weekly ministry or a counselor who will assist you establish a flourishing lifestyle.
After failing at my calling to serve, I’ve become a firm believer in finding a Godly community. Godly communities build you up, making them a key to a transformative life. They make it easier to let go of any sin yore struggling with while single. Let’s be honest there’s less burden when your growth does not include the pressure of a spouse.
That’s because you get to see how your brain and heart responds during different seasons. This allows you to see what your constant area of strength and weakness is before adding someone to the equation. I’m all for getting a head start in Life, and that includes mastering yourself.
Isn’t better I learn I’m selfish while single than hurt someone due to an unresolved trauma. This also applies to you; use your single season to untangle beliefs that hurt your loved ones. Use yor singleness to let go of beliefs that disappoint people. Use to Singleness to let go of areas that are blocking your future path.
Harness the Power of Perseverance Through Healing While Single
Pain is inescapable, but the more Christ works in you, the better you’ll become at changing. In my previous post on experiencing burnout, stress comes with listening to many opinions and following idols. Why not use this seaosn to learn how to harness the Voice of Yahweh over your fears and the opinions of others.
This will tremendously help you propel in life even when confronted with the need to change. A single season gives you space to learn about surrendering more of your feelings, so you’re empowered to overcome and grow through any obstacle in life.
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Most important, a Godly community mentors you past emotional blocks in your life and into a life of Breakthroughs. This is something I wish I could have told my 18 year old self. That’s its okay to feel accepted by a community.
Being Singles Teaches You how to Be Rooted in Christ & Independence
The most phenomenal decision you can ever make for your life is dare to heal, discover yourself and grow while single. Turn away from this idea that “you’re meant to be alone forever,”by seeing yourself into 3 fold perspective. One beif single teaches you how to be independent and driven to conquer life according to the strength of your heart.
- I send my friends and some family members weird videos! I’m pretty sure that’s also the no.1 reason my friends blocked my phone on whatsapp? But every Thursday I lather my body from my hair down to my waist in apple cider vinegar and bentonite clay. I looked so weird, I mean why experience the weird alone. So I send them 5 videos and pictures mimicking GOT’s white walkers. Priceless
- At least 4 times a week I get this pinch down my spine that causes me to dance till 1a.m. Sometimes… maybe for 2 weeks in a month Monday to Saturday? I blame it on Beyonce. I don’t know- but there is a nerve that makes me want to dance till sunrise. I used to do this even while working a full-time job. Best part is I dance free from waking someone up.
- I have 2 retirement plans, which I have designated as retirement and life emergencies. Being single gives me the freedom to plan for major life priorities without worrying. I also have 3 medium term financial savings plan and working to open one more longterm plan. By the way I achieved this working a mimmum wage job earning around 350USD monthly. Nothing fancy here. Just decided to live a minimalist lifestyle in order to establish these accounts.
- Tasha Cobbs will make you stay up till 4 a.m. Honestly I have a rule that no Tasha Cobbs shall be played after 8p.m. Then again there’s a secondary rule saying all redundant rules can be broken. Best part is there is no on around to stop me from leaving “You must Break,” on Repeat.” If there was, I’d tell them Cobbs is a great emotional health routine. Period.
- I also Took this time to Learn About Muself, and You can Too! Learn what it means to talk with someone and not at someone. Find more self value from my dating series one, two, three, Four and five on valuable changes you can make to connect more intuitively with someone.
- Every Quarter I treat myself to a solo date at Malandelas, or Mug & Bean. Something about daring to walk out alone has become exciting to me. It started in New York when I realized, I’m alone in this vibrant city! The city that never sleeps wouldn’t wait for me to meet friends, so I said why not. There’s something refreshing about having conversations with strangers and there’s no expectation like ” why did you blue tick my message.”I just love it.
- I’ll gospel music till 4a.m. without question on weekends or during the week.
- I deliberately buy obnoxiously large cups, so I can have meals and coffee. I included this one after someone got offended I love eating in cups. I’m single, so let a single woman enjoy the simplicity of life.
- This one I’m kinda embarrassed to say, but on some Saturdays I’ll wake up feeling like a Diva. So I put on a cocktail dress and strutt around the house like I own the world. I’ll curl my hair and do my makeup. Oh and I love this routine so much that I got all the women in my family an exotic gown. Because a woman deserves all things finesse. Told them when the world leaves you stressed, put this gown on and some heels and say :” I’m too Gorgeous for this!” Then get back on your grind.
- Every 3 months I rewatch The Hobbit all the way to the Last Lord of the Rings. And don’t for a second think I don’t act surprised; seriously I’m watching the scenes for the first time. Every time. Period
- I challenged myself to do a 10 mile run once a month, but howl like a baby for 3 hours when I get home. Fortunately there’s no one to annoy.
- I binge watch Korean shows on the weekends when I’m at Home. I love cultures, and TV shows give you a small window into how people think, beliefs and love for life. All things inspires me and contributes to my love for cultures and people.
- I have a strict drinking pattern: 1 liter Chia and Green tea in the morning. This is followed by 2 cups coffee with milk at lunch and ends with 1 cup straight black coffee in the afternoon. Throw I some rosemary and lemon and you have a brain Boosting season. Seriously feels more like having the air-conditioned blow on your eye balls. So much caffeine. I added this one because people close to me think I have a weird obsession with caffeine and spices. They just don’t get it.
- I love journaling to reflect on a growth opportunity I’m experiencing. Growth is not linear, so I also enjoy it when I’ve matured and realize “Wow girl you sold yourself a life,” but at least Jesus saved me and helped me a better perspective. It’s also given me strength to propell in my life plans. Singleness is a perfect perfect to find yourself and understand your triggers
- Having worked in the food industry, I became obsessed with candles and scents. So in the mornings I light up candles in my room, living room and bathroom. I do this again in the evenings because it’s so invigorating and makes me feel like I’ve escaped to a whole new world. In love.
- Every month end I attend Pop-up festivals around Eswatini. If you’re curious on what to do in Africa, Eswatini needs to be on your bucket list. Watch the videos from my Pinterest or YouTube channel, so you experience firsthand their contagious and creative spirit. It’s African creativity at its finest mixed with welcoming and high-spirited people.
Secondly being single is the most precious time to be anchored in Christ. Reason being rooting your plans in Christ teaches you healthier relationship goals as opposed to toxic relationships standards. It takes you away from codependent relationship ideas that only lead to eart break and frustration.
Single and rooted in Christ teaches you the essence of becoming an empowering and self less woman. Think pageant queen at her best. Your Single season is the best time to become super woman in all you do. Off cours with bumpy story to add to an even more exciting life journey.
Learn what Triggers Your Brain Undisturbed
Take the time to break down emotional triggers you never knew you had. The only source for a breakthrough is Jesus Christ as I’ve listed below. After my much cringe list of things I enjoy as a single woman. Certainly I will make a billion mistakes when I finally settle in a relationship; however, Jesus has granted me the most life shifting growth.
And every time He moves in my life it’s to ensure that I’m a better person for others and not just myself. Now this list below includes somewhat questionable things I do as a single person. They are the most treasured habits you can document in your life to say you lived fully.
And every failure is not regret but a Stepping stone into your greatness. Don’t sit in a hole waiting on someone, but Live a fulfilling life. Even when its sometimes full of risk and the unexpected. This includes the following:
I Get to Embrace My Inner Werido Fully & Without Judgment
Now that I’ve shared one or two cringe worthy reasons for loving singleness, here’s more life transforming reasons why I’ve enjoyed 30 years of singleness. Maybe even over enjoyed it because I’ve found myself zoning out of conversations because I’m too excited about my alone session coming up
His Name is Jesus
Tasha Cobbs has a song that screams “His name is Jesus,” and is so fitting to describe every blessing, joy and Breakthrough in life. It’s taken me 30 years to realize the powerful love of Jesus Christ. And I’m pretty sure it’s going to take me my whole life. Yet the one thing you will ever cherish in uour life is seeing and being overwhelmed by Jesus love continually.
For that reason Yahweh is my first reason for loving singleness. Through Prayer, Jehovah Jireh was faithful to provide me with personal development, a solid identity, reassurance that doesn’t depend on mood swings and endless grace. In love.
More importantly, God showed me that you don’t need to date to understand or see how you’ll be when you get married. The biggest misconception we carry from high school till adulthood is you need a boyfriend to understand life. As if singleness is a deformity. When in reality being single is a rare kind of freedom that gives you compassion.
Defining Who You are in Christ is The Most Life Shifting Decision While Single
Singlessness grants you compassion to fail and beauty to unconditional love. People will always be there, but having that one weird habit like dancing in heels at 3a.m. is a 1 lifetime experience. Just saying. Or better still is the one day you’re still wondering about God’s will for your life, and He shows you how He’s been there for you for your whole life.
That keeps happening to me. Especially when I’m innocently or randomly thinking is Jesus tired of me. What on earth did I learn from Him this week? Why is He quiet. Then when my mind stops pacing, He overwhelms me with events from the week, years or month. Like the time He told me be strong and courageous for 3 years.
There was a time I was feeling anxious, so I got on my knees an and prayed and immediately the anxiety was gone. Or when I was suppose to get fired and 2 major clients who’ve never seen me, never spoke to me, never emailed me; literally no nothing about me saved me.
Before I get into a relationship, I want to learn how to remember all the amazing things Jesus does for me. Don’t take Jesus for granted in your life, and you’ll learn how to love anyone according to their love language.
Jesus Will Use Your Singleness to Show You The Bigger Life Plan & Who’s Meant For it
In addition to His overwhelming love, Jesus showed me that friends and family is a good place to start seeing who you are. Strangers reveal to you what your insecurities are long before marriage. What better way to learn about yourself than through friendships and family
Most vital aspect of a marriage; is the generational will God odains in that marriage. I want you to think about this next comment. God took a nobody like Noami, and married her to Boaz, who eventually is related to Jesus.
El Shaddai took the least like David and made Him King of Israel. Now Israel calls one city, the city if David. You see we love to praise someone as if they were always praised. As if they were always the one percent. But God can take a nothing, a nobody, a useless according to people’s eyes and make them worthier than rubies. That’s what he did with Moses Gideon, David and Noami.
Use Your Singlenss to Prepare for Generational Overflow not a One Night Stand
All you need is time to allow God breath within you a new breed. By His spirit to surgically remove your old beliefs and breath in something new. I can’t wait to share what I mean in another post because it’s too rich to brief here.
Nonetheless I thought this was a figurative statement until I experienced it first hand. For these past years I’ve been struggling with surrendering my life until it felt like life and death and I took the biggest risk to surrender.
In just a blink of an eye, I was transforming and returning what feels like where I’m suppose to be as a person. To a place Jesus created me and will guide me. These are the greatest power you’ll ever experience, and single people have the added advantage to use this because they don’t have distractions. Once you’re married or in a relationships, you have to care for someone else’s needs.
Use Your Singleness to Collect Life Shifting Transformations anchored in the Will of God
After experiencing 3 Major life testimonies with Jesus Christ, I’m motivated to fight for more of you to experience. We all need a blue print of overwhelming moments of love. I remember a time when for one whole year the holy spirit would hug whenever Inwas about to receive malicious news from an unkind person.
In the beginning showers you with an ocean flowing of love, reassurance, power and saving. So that once you move to your next stage of maturity, He wants you stop stand form in faith that He’s always been there. Especially in the silent season, you’ll need a Diary full of recording His amazing moves over your life.
Wouldn’t you agree that we all need a foundational belief before adding someone into our lives. Imagine you choose to marry before understanding Jesus voice and now there’s 3 beliefs in your home; God’s will, your beliefs and your husband. Nothing is impossible for Jesus, so He can take 2 atheist and turn them to Godly people, but there’s nothing Ad precious as knowing who you’re meant while single.
This strong foundation will be used to guide yoy back to Christ when marriage gets tough. If God believes inarriage then He will not forsake you in a rocky season. Similar to when you were single and you had to trust in the darkness, there’ll be season when you’ve got to trust in
Being Single is Your undisturbed Blue Print Opportunity for God to lay out your life plan
If you’re not ready to dance till 3a.m. just yet, this is the most vital advice to take. Jesus was so precious to reveal glimpses of my future to me, but they also confused me a lot of times. That’s because I’m human as I’m also rigid in a lot of things. For instance Jesus will prepare you for marriage while you’re single by getting you used to homemaking.
And if you’re like me and think you’ll meal prep for your family and force them to eat only sweet potato and chicken breast think again. Family is about compromising, so I found myself arguing with family members about what to eat. I complained saying they infringing on my single rights. I know right; Jesus really needed to work in this area.
Don’t be surprised if you’re still single for years even after you find Jesus is transforming your life. Just enjoy the sincere wisdom that comes with it like learning how to accommodate different people’s love languages. For instance if you find yourself living one family member more, guess what you’ll do that with your children.
Use Your Singleness to Learn How to Harness & Excell at Your Schedule
It’s so easy to convince yourself that you’ll be the world’s most loving parent, but if that were true we wouldn’t have the story of Jospeh in the Bible to remind us about the complexity of family. Myttons baby shop and my Minimalist Living board have tips on building generational line according to God’s wisdom in case you’re interested in building a World Star families.
What I love about learning this is because some rich person said people like me don’t learn how to life plan for families. I was working minimum wage catering, so to some degree my community doesn’t have similar programs to rich communities.
However how sweet is it that Jesus gave me this odd thought like “How do you run families,” as a steppinng-stone to collecting information building a family with a generational plan. I’ll advice you; if you want a long lasting 100 year plan, turn to God! That’s because the Bible has laid down the plan long before people even cared about generational overflow.
Start Piecing The Schedule God Gives You Together for a Sustainable Life Plan
Use this precious time to see family is not about running around dropping off kids; there’s structured family meetings where you begin teaching your children that life goals begins at age 2 years old! That shocked me too until I saw a 2 year old do house chores. Somehow I felt the baby has life figured more than me! Half kidding.
Overtime I realized the holy spirit is working within me. I feel God will allow you to enjoy your single life, but be introducing personal development tips, so that it’s as natural as your finger prints. This is because homemaking is the cornerstone of a generational roots.
Furthermore I was still being lead by the spirit to running a business and through it a wholesome person. What I gained is you’re not single forever, but are being prepared to carry the demands of your future self. If you rush into your future self, these demands will be a burden not a natural joy.
Use Your Single Life to Make Mistakes and Learn how to Schedule Your Life
Read article on what I wear as a freelancer to see the demands I face in a day. They sometimes lead to burned out. Yet I also love this ife due to all these intimate moments with Jesus who’s renewing my mindset and giving me a new perspective on life.
Change your mindset from why am I single to “Time to live empowered and live a life of Breakthroughs. Breakthroughs is not a one day event. Allow Yahweh to show you the mistake people make in dating. People love flaunting dates like a mini purse; “OH I’m married to the mister over there,” when in reality they still exist in a single mindset. So the arguments at home are not really over milk, but over the person’s single mindedness.
God Uses Your Single Season to Structure Your Next Life Chapter
How more powerful is it for God to break your single mindset now. Compared to walking blind and being shocked about your arguments over eaten cereal. People love the idea of getting married as long as it doesn’t disturb their plans. Yet marriage will disrupt your schedule. Children will take away your frivolous spending on wine.
Honestly I will hold a funeral for lost wine evenings #scandal. Only kidding, you can still enjoy life, but within the bounds of a generational mindset. Not a single mindset that so happens to have a spouse and demanding children. Your spouse will disrupt your plans. You planned to stay in this town forever, but God’s plan and the convenient economic situation says move.
God is the only one who’ll strengthen your beliefs into a wholesome lifestyle. Like myself that I can run a blog and freelance and be a homemaker. This life is not only for the real housewives or that rich mom who said caterers like me don’t deserve a life plan. Who made her Jesus? A life of Breakthroughs is for everyone and anyone who beliefs Jesus will transform her life allowing her to exist in these steps.
Your single season, or waiting is the most Valuable life decision you’ll ever make. Go travel, laugh, be silly, dance, make a billion mistakes. Learn how to stategically rest. Learn to get up again after disappointments. Learn the importance of writing down your testimonies, so they won’t be forgotten.
Learn how how unconditionally love yourself, love others, so you’re made better for it. This is what I love about being a single woman. It’s given me authority as a child of God to stand form in endless possibilities because I know who leads the way.
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