By Zethu Zwane
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When you keep a bad friend, you’re endorsing their bad behavior! This is usually a tough pill to swallow, but it’s true. Staying with bad friends will do more harm to your life purpose than good. All 50+ life lessons are lined up below to help you. You know those highschool friends that have an art for saying bad compliments, but wrap it in sweet sounding words? Guess what many of them will never change.
Do something transformative for your emotional health and life plan by removing bad friends. Instead of keeping bad company like a reality show, make healthy boundaries where needed. You’ll benefit from learning how to stay with friends who are healthy and independent. Why let years of bad labels be spoken to you when you can find your own life path.
Here’s something extremely vital that you shouldn’t forget; friends and family exist in your inner circle. Sometimes it’s called your intimate or personal boundary. Then strangers are in your public boundary. That’s why strangers have the least control over your character. Since your friends are closer influence to how you feel, what you believe and act, it’s important to evaluate your friendship groups.
Life lesson 1: Without boundaries, toxic friends will become your Character
This topic is extremely important to me because I spent over 10 years in a mix of good and bad company. In highschool, I was someone who didn’t completely fit into the crowd. That’s why I tried sticking to so many people.
Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
â€â€1 Corinthians‬ â€15:33‬ â€NIV‬‬
In the beginning those toxic words spoken to me were just words. Yet with each passing day you spend with someone telling you that you’re second best, those words set into your character.
â€Saying 3: Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, [25] or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.
Proverbs‬ â€22:24â€-‬25‬ â€NIV‬‬
When you have low self-worth you’ll carry people’s guilt and shame
Second reason why I’m writing this series is because someone once blamed me for getting pregnant. She had the typical “I’m more beautiful than you, and can get whatever I want,” mentality and at the time I didn’t see it as an issue. That’s because when you have low self-worth, you’ll accommodate any behaviour. Women will speak to you unkindly, and you’ll take it.
It’s only later after 18 years when my pastor said people in the workplace will make you the villain for reporting theft. Strangers will vilify you for reporting corruption, and bad friends will also shun you for their guilt and shame.
People who behave badly have an art for making you feel guilty. They will make you hide while they continue making mistakes. These people are in highschool, university, in your workplace or community.
Being blamed for someone’s pregnancy
Plus or minus 10 years ago I met someone who used to make fun of me for being a virgin and single. They carried themselves as the successful woman and having sex was very much tied to that success. People have all these weird theories about singleness and success in life.
â€Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.
1 Corinthians‬ â€15:34‬ â€NIV‬‬
Since she was among a million other people who couldn’t understand my life choices, I ignored it and continued being her friend. Again due to low self-worth, I endorsed her behaviour, like many other bad friends.
People pleasers who internalise their friends bad behaviour
That’s until she got pregnant and started blaming me for her pregnancy. She blocked me from her life. Yet she would unblock me just to blame me for her pregnancy. After receiving a 2 hour rant, I had to remind myself that she always pinned herself as the better of us two.
She had this habit of taking the guy you’re talking to, so that day she started talking to the guy I brought, I moved on. I saw it as a sign to remove him. Yet again this is also what people pleasers do: give up on people like their “groceries,” in a shop.
â€[7] Some worthless scoundrels gathered around him and opposed Rehoboam son of Solomon when he was young and indecisive and not strong enough to resist them.
2 Chronicles‬ â€13:7‬ â€NIV‬‬
Anyway that’s why I allowed her to take the guy. People pleasers will give their talent and items to people thinking it makes the relationship perfect. That’s why I also never took her pregnancy seriously. Instead I saw it as a blessing because I wasn’t ready for an intimate relationship. Unfortunately I started receiving countless calls and messages about her hardships. All her messages’ underlying meaning was that her pregnancy was my fault.
People pleasers who carry other people’s guilt and shame
As a people pleaser, you’ll internalise people’s words. People will know they can dump their shame and guilt on you, and you’ll gladly carry it. I used to feel responsible for her pregnancy, yet at the same time conflicted. It’s not until the 1% of me reminded myself that society has shunned me for being single.
And I was tired of being shunned for her life choices, so I told her the truth. She sought out this individual. I texted back: “I have never peer pressure anyone to do anything stupid and remember I’m always the “boring one.” I continued saying; “I was not in the room when you decided to get pregnant, so I will not carry your shame. Go find the man who got you pregnant and tell him these words because my next text will not be friendly.”
Since then I’ve noticed bad friend also have an art of transferring their guilt and shame onto people pleasers. Many people have repressed emotions, and they’ll throw them at you. Especially when they see you’re a people pleasers; you suddenly become the brunt for their life mistakes. They’ll peer pressure you into dating an abusive guy.
People who peer pressure you will also celebrate your heartbreak
Friends who endorse bad relationships will not help you heal from a bad decision. When you turn to them for help, they’ll say “heartbreak is part of life.” What rubbish! What utter nonsense. Friends and people like these need you to enter into their dysfunctional relationships, to make their lives make sense. What utter stupidity.
That’s why I want I’ve packaged this series for people pleasers. I want to help you recover from internalising people’s guilt and shame. And if you’ve ever been coined a “strong person,” who’s also shunned for her voice, this series is for you. Keep reading because it’s worth your growth to learn how to discern good and bad friend’s.
A quick note; I understand women like her who are angry, and take it out on her friends. There’s a Christian writer for her. Today I’m speaking to the people pleasers; the people who feel the need to internalise your gut and shame. I’m speaking to you, who won’t admit with your mouth that this friend was bad. She stole the guys you introduced. She competed with you while ridiculing your life.
Biggest thing to note for this series; it’s for people pleasers who’re hiding their talent, beauty and confidence
It’s important to stress this, so you don’t forget I’m speaking to someone who feels the need to transfer shame. Listen you being responsible for your friends bad actions will not change them. Instead it encourages them. It confirms their bad behaviour. So use this series to empower you to create healthy boundaries, so you never carry bad friends’ burdens like “you’re responsible for my debt,” or “it’s your fault I’m pregnant.”
Finally this series should help you to move on. That’s because I hope you use it as confirmation that you don’t need to stay in bad friendships. Forgive yourself for not knowing better. Forgive yourself for the things you’ve seen, heard or what people forced you to believe. This is why this series is great if you’re still in highschool, university or the workplace. It’s never too late to change.
Receiving the Lord Devine deliverance and breakthrough
The only way I can describe the dangers of toxic words is through my testimony. I did a fast this January where God broke chains and yokes the devil had bound and stolen. My pastor kept talking about Ester and their 3 day fast. At first I couldn’t relate to the story in the Bible. Although Mordecai’s words to Ester kept ringing in my ears, I kept thinking this is not for me.
â€Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.
Esther‬ â€4:16‬ â€NIV‬‬
During the week God spoke to me saying this fast was for me. I was already doing a 21 day fast, so I couldn’t imagine adding a 3 day fast. That following Sunday the pastor repeated Mordecai’s words; “You’re here for such a time as this,” which really stuck to my heart.
â€For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”
Esther‬ â€4:14‬ â€NIV‬‬
Since this message clung tight to my heart, woke up Monday morning at 4a.m. to begin my journey. There were many things that I could see I couldn’t attain withou the fast. That’s also why I committed to a 3 day fast withing my 21 day fast. A 3 day fast is no food and no water. All Glory to God because I did it and learned so much about the power of fasting.
Life Lesson 2: The devil reminds you of your sin and bad things people say to you
Every toxic friend has an art of motivating you to be great, and as long as you’re beneath them. I didn’t realise this was becoming my life standard until the devil used it to try to stop my breakthrough and fast. This reminded me that we speak a lot about how the devil knows you by your sin, but God knows you by your name.
Yet we should also say the devil knows how you limit yourself. That’s why the devil knows exactly who to bring to your mind when he needs to try to steal your breakthrough.
â€â€But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days. Then Michael, one of the chief princes, came to help me, because I was detained there with the king of Persia.
Daniel‬ â€10:13‬ â€NIV‬‬
During my fast, every fake friend and bad friend came to mind. I also had pervasive thoughts of every friend who manipulated, broke my confidence or hurt me. Yet all glory to God who gave me strength to complete that fast. Unfortunately when I came out of the fast, I was angry. I was livid because I wanted to know why my journey got delayed. Why were these things bound?
â€For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.
Ephesians‬ â€6:12â€-‬13‬ â€NIV‬‬
Why you’ll gain more from this series
Due to the fasting and moving away from bad friends, you can also gain a new sense of life. This is what happened to me. For the first time in years, it felt like I could breath with all my body and lungs. I got energy that I never thought I had. And I’m an energetic freak; just ask anyone who’s ever worked with me.
As a result of the fast and tracking how manipulative friends, I’ve decided to do this series for people pleasers. That’s because people pleasers will always make room for bullies. People pleasers allow bullies to come back, and today I want to inspire you that leaving these bad friend’s will help you regain your destiny.
There’s no room for them, and this series will help you see that no amount of excuses will change bad friends. For these reasons and more, it’s okay to leave a bad friend. You’ll also learn which relationships are worth keeping. These include relationships where you’re are independent and wholefully you.
It’s okay to leave a bad friend. You’ll also learn which relationships are worth keeping. These includes relationships where you’re allowed to be independent and wholefully you. Now more on this right below.
Who is a Bad Friend
A bad friend is anyone who speaks badly of you. They have an art of wrapping insults between good phrases. They use words like “your outfit looks great, but not like my dress from last week; do you remember it.” They love comparisons, and you’re always second best.
For people who are wicked and deceitful have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. With words of hatred they surround me; they attack me without cause. In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer. They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship
Psalm 109:2-5, from bible verses on bad friends
It’s important to remove bad friends because anyone in your intimate or personal boundary has more influence on your character and confidence. Remember the last time you spoke to a lyft driver; you didn’t walk out the car mimicking them or their life plans.
But such people will only pick at you like a vulture preying on live prey
Yet you’ll mimic friends because they’re in your personal boundary. That means you’ll be influenced by friends who pursue reckless lives like mindless spending or toxic dating beliefs. You’ll also find your confidence reducing around the wrong crowd. Why loose your life plans and confidence over bad friends?
Life lesson 3; You’re validalidating the bad friends who stay
Everytime you hang out with bad friends, they’re getting to know your boundaries. What I’ve Learned now is that these kinds of friends use that cheap $2 coffee as confirmation they can abuse you with words. You’ll even find bad friends who splurge on you with expensive gifts, but don’t be fooled. Those same gifts gives them claim to abuse you. In order to reclaim your confidence, get rid of them .
When you don’t face the consequences, there are consequences for that, too
Frank Sonnenberg, Listen to Your Conscience: That’s Why You Have One
Reasons being these kinds of friends are a cancer to your intimate thinking. They’re a cancer to your life goals and a cancer to your self worth. Get Rid of them. They’ll never change no matter how many times they buy you gifts or say heartfelt words. Forget the words and look at the time between being kind and going back to limiting you.
Lesson 4: You don’t have suffer from low confidence your whole life because you’re keeping bad friends
“I’m watching her find ways to stab herself and her heart, I wondered what I was doing to myself that’s heartbreaking?
Why wait your whole life to see such friends get worse. I want to motivate girls who are 18 to 35. You could be entering highschool, university or the workplace. You may want to accept living for Christ as opposed to accommodating all friends. Before you can live for Christ, cut all cancer from your life that is poisoning your confidence and derailing your goals.
I used to believe that I could be friends with everyone thinking they’ll eventually accept my way of life. Yet the more people told to me to “shut up about Jesus,” the more I realized our relationship wasn’t equal. I was okay with hanging out with alcoholics, smokers and people who were having sex before marriage. Yet not everyone will accept you.
Don’t stay with friends out of convenience
Coincidentally I’ve only met 1% who didn’t judge me. The rest will worsen your self-esteem because they think you’re living your life wrong. Later on an adult I hung around gossipers and self-serving people. That’s because self-serving people have a way of making you feel necessary. Yet this too is a toxic codependent trait.
When you seek self-serving friends, you’re being lead by loneliness and convenience. This is also a wrong reason to stay with friends. You deserve to be around people who respect your way of Life, especially when you’re living for God.
Understand this; a good friend respects your way of life. They never make conditions to your friendship. Bad Friends will demand that you must be like them to be accepted. This is a toxic and codependent friendship. You’re looking at an insecure person who needs you to sin in order to validate their life. This is completely wrong.
Know this good friends will support your core life values such as waiting for marriage , living for God or working hard. Even when they have opposing views to you, they’ll support your life goals. Whether it’s by accepting your views verbally, good friends show up and stay with you through good and bad times.
Lesson 5: Bad Friends only Get Worse
Lesson 5 is crucial because after 25, people seldom change their beliefs. I was sitting across an older woman who mirrored a bad friend. Don’t wait too long by making excuses because bad friends only get worse. Friends who enjoy competing, putting you down or gossiping don’t change based on your words. Instead you become like them.
Reason for this is becaus friends tend to be in your inner What’s more, the more you stay, the more you validate their unkind behavior. Instead of worrying about her retirement or salvation she’s competing over who has the best dress.
Are you not tired? Life is so much more than listening to bad words. Spending time with such people will influence how you see yourself. They’ll change. The 55 year old called me strange for being single.
As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.
1 Peter 1:14 NIV
The 20 year old called me strange for being single. There’s no difference between these 2 ages; they enjoy finding heartbreak. This article is for the people pleaser who needs a LIST of reasons why bad friends will only become the worst poison to your life goal. Read on.
Finally I believe I was wrong. I didn’t realise it, but these relationships worsened my life plans. Yes I can’t blame someone, but people who are living without a Godly purpose while you according to God’s plans will judge you. People who smoke weed but you don’t will judge you. People who gossip but you don’t will judge you. Your most valuable reply is connect with people who respect more than like your popularity or possessions.
Thankfully I was wrong and learned it now. I never understood what one proverbs mean when I said some people lead only to ruin until I saw how they influenced my Godly beliefs. You can’t be for God and be with gossipers or people who worship boyfriends.
Lesson 6: People Pleasers Need Godly Friends & Not Just Friends
I’m writing this post for people pleasers who need Godly friends, so I’m not apologetic to how it might sound to others. That’s because I’ve seen people pleasers become cold hearted and malicious as a result of bad company. Sometimes the friends you make lead you into unkindness.
These friends teach you resentment as opposed to seeing Jesus. They teach you how to keep score over dumb things. As useless as what toothpaste you use. Or what handbag you buy; is it H&M or Zara these days. These petty conversations are limiting your scope of thinking.
The worst part about such friends is they make these competitions believable. Yet all you’re doing is losing your life and selling yourself off to cheap comparisons. Even When you don’t get involved; simply hanging around such people is endorsing their beliefs. Why are you there? Find yourself a Godly community, which will help you deepen your level of thinking spiritually and emotionally.
Lesson 5. Do it NOW: start learning you don’t have to accept what people say to you
Bad friend’s have an art for ridiculing common sense beliefs. They’ll choose to ridicule you because you’re working on a life plan. You’re working on eliminating debt and building a sustainable life. Whenever friends cant accept your core beliefs to improving your life, its time to move on. They’ve enslaved themselves to falsehoods, but you’re the joke? What a joke. Stop wasting your life around such people.
I used to believe I could be around such people and remain myself. But such people will only pick at you like a vulture preying on live prey. How can you sell your life to death? How can you sell your confidence to false ideas? Your life is worth much more than damaging beliefs.
Manipulative people will often take your personal truths and incorporate small lies within them, making you believe their version to be true.
Emily Cline on “Toxic Influences,”
Lesson 6: Your Circle of Friends Matter
The answer is easy. By removing the list of people described in this post, you’ll find more clarity. In an article by Psychology Today, they said self-serving people can create confusion in your life. That’s why you’ll benefit from evaluating your friendship circle. You don’t need to wait till you’re 35 to see the emotional damage such people leave. So I encourage you to make changes now.
Don’t wait another season before you realise such people thrive on heartbreak. Why subject yourself to pain? Why go looking for heartbreak willingly? Bad friends normalise toxic dates. They normalise abnormal behaviour. Remove them now and live free and empowered away from such malicious people.
People who are mistresses, but you’re not will judge you. People who cheat on their boyfriends, but you don’t will judge you. Are you really going to wait till you’re 75 to realise this? I don’t want you to spend another year with such people because they will diminish your worth.
Lesson 7: Be okay with walking away from bad friends
The reason why it’s crucial you remove yourself from these people is because for over 18 years they’ve said hurtful words. Those friends called me strange, weird, misleading, lost, incompetent, stupid and undeserving. How does losing your virginity make you competent? It’s actually foolish.
Essentially that’s how they made it look. Friends like that will leave you believing that in order for you to succeed in life, get a car or a job, you need to sleep around. All of this is completely wrong. These people are damaging to your life. They are a danger to your life goals, and they do not deserve you.
What fascinated me about having these words thrown in my face is it didn’t improve their own lives. Every person who said I needed to lose my virginity has been cheated on. So ask yourself in a space where teens or adults still don’t grasp codependency, who wins? No one wins except gratifying cheating.
Sex before marriage didn’t result in loyalty and a bachelor-styled dating life. They’ve been cheated on, so why are they so desperate to enslave you to heartbreak?
Lesson 8: Bad friends are the mirror image of a lost person
Have you had friends in the middle of their crying tell you that you need to date? They don’t want to suffer alone. You must suffer with them, but why? Why buy into painful moments. Similarly a friend could be sky-high in debt, but will encourage you live a similar life of emotional spending.
Because these friends lack sound judgement, theyll motivate you to spend recklessly. They’ll encourage to copy the Instagram life without without disclosing the magnitude of their own debt.
Like flies swarming around rotting meat, bad friends spend every cent on nothing. They enjoy it when life confirms it’s difficult to save. It is really difficult to save, or they enjoy hardship? Why buy into such painful beliefs? Life alone is full of bumpy roads. Stop crashing into walls voluntarily.
Let’s Debunk obvious highschool assumptions
For the majority, dating in highschool or university never led to prince charming. Instead it led to several public fights over a guy who doesn’t know himself. These bad friends are lost, but they also refuse to be found. Get yourself on a life plan and get rid of such people.
Every person who encouraged me to be a mistress is crying after a man. What adorable life did they find in this hell. Lost people will turn something precious like marriage into poison. They only enjoy creating fights. None of their lives improved from rushing, so why rush your life goals.
Lesson 9: Remove people with mindless beliefs from your life
I understand that Highschool makes it seem like everything popular kids say is fact, but it’s not. It’s far from fact. Instead it’s full of washed up garbage, nonsensical talk and boastful lies.
Trust me, once you learn to read people, you’ll notice that the most boastful person in a room tends to be the most lost. It’s sad to watch the eyes of a 20 year old and 60 year old mirror be lost.
They need someone to justify their lifestyle. They need justification for stealing. They need justification for corruption. It’s sad really, so why aspire to live the same life as people who only seek to stab themselves in the heart with lies.
That’s because lies catch up. And when they do it hurts. When they realise dating multiple people leads to distrust that hurts. When living on the edge with no budget hurts.
Lesson 10: Learn to be happy with letting go of manipulative friends
Similar to you believing bad friends can be changed by watching your life. You don’t have to wait till you’re 25 years old to begin learning this.
Remove such people from your life and instead keep certain boundaries, so their pains do not become your pains. Pains like life is hard are not true.
Pains like men are trash is not true. Only people seeking life the wrong way believe this. But you don’t have to endorse it. Remove such people from your life.
Lesson 11: Bad Friends live for believable lies
These lies are convincing, and maybe it’s partly due to highschool. Highschool is the first time teens get to act like adults. Depending on where you stay, some teens already drive, have jobs and their own apartments.
Some teens are already drinking. Some teens are dating highschool sweethearts. Living with the fragrance of an adult without the full responsibilities of adulthood.
It’s easy to take just 1% of your life and believe it to be the foundation. We do it all the time with confidence. One person can tell you you’re ugly because you’re fat, and you’ll believe it. Your Life deserves more meaning than being reduced to a body shape. Believe that.
Lesson 12: Highschool is your Longest Spring Break, so don’t stop learning how to Be loved!
Highschool can make you believe those beliefs will relate to the rest of your life. Honestly what you experience is far from adulthood.
Instead Highschool is meant to be enjoyable. I would encourage you to use university and highschool to learn about forgiveness. Remove yourself away from resentment and competition.
Learning to Forgive and be accommodating without pleasing people will make life easier for you. This is especially important when you face unforgiving people, corruption, lies or mistreatment as an adult.
Lesson 13: Remove Yourself from Competitive Friends So You will Enjoy Your Life
Grow in maturity and forgiveness while you can. Learn to Forgive your family members and good friends. Even if you’re not in university or highschool do it now. Your Life is worth far more than mindless competitions. Focus on a life plan. Focus on making God the centre of your life.
That’s far better than spending the whole year gossiping. If you have that one friend who enjoys bringing you fresh news, get rid of her. Her loyalty is as thin as her real hair. Trash.
High School and university is meant to be the longest Spring Break you’ve ever had; an exciting chapter that you should also forget. Don’t take every experience there as the Bible. Spend this time of your life learning to let go and forgive. You’ll become more confident as a result of it.
Lesson 14: Bad Friends can lead you to an idolizing life
This is how people end up idol worshipping without knowing it. Allow yourself room to be wrong. Allow yourself growth opportunities. Growth opportunities are when you allow God to open the veils of your heart and mind.
Growth opportunities are also where you gain lessons from your life experiences. Growth opportunities are good moments and bad moments in life that shape you. Use these to strengthen your character. Bad friends get into the way it grows.
Think about it; you’re constantly surrounded with ideas in direct opposition to Christ. Wouldn’t you love to learn to seek Him? In case you go down the wrong path, knowing God means you’re saved.
Bad friends make you believe you can’t do anything because you don’t have sex or gossip. What nonsense. Bad friends are like scam artists; the message is always the same, but they dress it differently each time.
Lesson 15: Your Emotional Health Needs Better Friends
Don’t allow keeping bad friends be the reason you stay in a bad place. Remove them. Remember bad friends have a tendency to spew bad words 90% of the time before they treat you to a nice meal. A nice meal is not a licence to emotional and verbal abuse. Get Rid of them. They have no room to where God is taking you.
There are Godly friends who’ll empower you with Godfidence. I wouldn’t take what I did in highschool into adulthood, yet so many people do. From Low self worth to a bad body image; forgive what people called you.
So many people take a fleeting moment in their lives and make it a constitution. Remind yourself that you still have more to grow and learn. There’s a Bible verse that says a Righteous man can fall a thousand times, but God is gracious to pick them up. Bad friends will leave you unrighteous, broken and lost.
Lessom 16: Remove friends whose life goal is to cause pain & drama
You can’t be friends with people who plot to steal someone’s boyfriend or husband and then play Godly music. You can’t be friends with people who ridicule you for being a virgin or waiting for marriage and then play Jesus music. They don’t know who they live for. And now they take God as a convenient store. God is not a genie.
Remove People from your life who’ll reduce God’s laws and commands to nothing just because they didn’t get struck down by lightning for living an idolatrous life. Don’t forget what they called me in highschool, university and now work.
Stupid, dumb, useless for being single. Yet their lives are ripped apart from heartbreak chasing men. Why wait till you’re 45 before you remove these people from your life. They will never change.
They practise how to do these things every day. And now social media and reality TV encourages them because they find people just like them. A world of maliciousness. Your presence in their life will not change them. Since they see you as stupid, you make them feel powerful. Remove such people from your life.
Lesson 17: Be around People Who Name You what God Calls You
I’ve had bad friends who know how to throw good compliments. Not until we talk about dating then they turn into nasty words. Remove such malicious names from being spoken to you.
If God has never called you dumb for choosing to wait, then there’s no man on this earth who has the right to call anything other than what Jesus calls you.
Bad friends will make you believe there is glory in these scars. Don’t you find it ironic that bad friends say you need to date to know a man, and yet 6 months later that same friend will say “I’ve lost myself because of that man,” followed by “I hate men because they’re trash.” How did dating give them growth and comfort?
This kind of life will leave you believing that being vulnerable leads to heartbreak. Being around people who believe this will leave you thinking men are untrustworthy. Your bad friends are untrustworthy.
Remove them because while you sit across them comforting them, they’re already planning for ways to find more heartbreak. Remove such inconveniences from your life.
Lesson 18: A Successful Journey already has a Messy Middle, Why Include Bad People To Your Life Chapter
Life on its own is full of disappointments. Do you know that a successful journey will experience pain in the middle. I fasted because the devil was blocking my journey and it was causing me pain. I was in pain because everything I did was failing. This is until I learned that fasting and prayer, which lead to my most precious breakthrough to date.
To fight for $2,000, I went through some kind of uncomfortable moments. Yet it led to a beautiful ending. There’s pain in your success story. Not because God chooses this, but like how $2,000 was stolen from me, sometimes a great ending has a messy middle.
Now compare that to these friends who seek bad dating goals. Compare that to those who get loans to compete with their bosses. Compare that to friends who gossip all day and then cry when no one is for them.
Compare that to people who spend mindlessly and enjoy talking about “How I went to debt.” Remember that trend on YouTube where teens were saying Youtube made me broke.
Lesson 19: Choosing to stay with Bad friends is part of your self will to stay in mindless trends
Remember when you choose to stay with idolizing friends, they’ll lead you to problems like debt. Stop blaming Youtube. At this point you can’t always blame your friends. Remove trash from your life. And do it by first removing friends who run toward heartbreak and find a million ways to stab their hearts. Your faith is on the line. You can’t be around such people.
Beyond these years is more pressing, trials, and growth. So remove yourself from people who appear stuck in high school beliefs. They’ll slow you down. They’ll make it hard to follow Jesus. They practise heartbreak so much, I don’t want to know how they keep faithful. You shouldn’t have to sit and watch either. Remove them.
Lesson 20: Remove Bad Company is an Every day awareness
The issue now is how to shake off the belief that certain people have. If you’ve kept bad friends as long as I did due to pleasing people, you need a Godly redirection. It’s especially difficult if you live between a Godly life and a Worldly life. Where did sex before marriage come from?
It’s these worldly beliefs that you’ve got to empower yourself to remove every day. That means people pleasers who are working to grow need to remove people who’ll make it hard for you to grow.
Unless you live for drama then stay with these groups of bad friends. If you don’t have a Godly community, find one now. Bad friends look for pain and no matter the heartache, they will not change. I realised this with one bad friend I made.
This is why we a need therapy, life coaching and a life plan
On another topic, I believe this is why we all need therapy. This is because as I’m watching her find ways to stab herself and her heart, I wondered what I was doing to myself that’s heartbreaking.
The only God who can see what chains you have is Jesis Christ. So seek counselling. Seek a Godly community. Learn to pray. Read the Bible. Seek a Godly ministry and prayer group that are physical not just online.
Lesson 21: It’s Never too Late To Clean up Your Friend Groups
Personally these immature beliefs were better at a younger age because there is less to lose. Except the risk of teen pregnancy, which is a bigger issue on its own. Different locations have different reasons for that.
Here in Eswatini, girls are promised to be taken care off only to be abandoned once the baby is born. Some men build these women homes and provide cars, but leave once the child arrives. There’s nothing more destructive than this pattern.
However, this is not uncommon in so many countries. Women still struggle with healthy relatipnships advice, but I’m againt the culture of normalizing such toxic and abusive relationships.
I saw this countless times working in the clinic, and continued to hear stories about this after leaving the clinic. Yet adulthood is not a joke. Listen, the world won’t have what’s best for your body.
Why codependent relationships do more harm
Messing with your life by following adults like this is dangerous because the consequences are high and feel like they never end. Adults have so many responsibilities, and having friends who keep score is asking for pains, worries and heartache you shouldn’t have.
Why look for pain voluntarily? Remove these people from your life. Adult friends like this can lead you to debt. A recent trend started of people posting overseas vacations. I learned this from a banker who warned me not to use this savings account for vacations.
Lesson 22: Registered Counselors are Better at Health advice than Friends
I saw this countless times working in the clinic, and continued to hear stories about this after leaving the clinic. Yet adulthood is not a joke. Listen what your friends say is not always the best advice. There was a trend among young women to take plan B pill like a regular contraceptive contraceptive that does more damage to yor mentally and physically.
What still astonished me is people put more faith in filandoring men instead of medical institutions. There’s a great deal I don’t like about toxic dating and how it’s beliefs harm a woman’s body, but it’s worse when your friends are the ones endorsing these beliefs. Always be vigilant when women talk about dating ideas, and choose to seek the opinion of registered counselors and a registered publication board like Lancet Glob
Messing with your life by following adults like this is dangerous because the consequences are high and feel like they never end. Adults have so many responsibilities, and having friends who keep score is asking for pains, worries and heartache you shouldn’t have.
Why look for pain voluntarily? Remove these people from your life. Adult friends like this can lead you to debt. A recent trend started of people posting overseas vacations. I learned this from a banker who warned me not to use this savings account for vacations.
Fill Your Life schedule with Godly Self Improvement to See the Impossible in Your Life
I used my savings account to create money opportunities I otherwise wouldn’t have with my salary. They more than doubled my income and I used it for my business.
Friends like this will not allow you to grow financially beyond what I achieved. Seeing an “enemy,” go on vacation crowds will lead you to debts, a bounce back, only to go into debt. What nonsense is you only knew the only enemy you have is the devil.
Everyone else who tries competing with you is lost. It’s sad really, but if you’re here that means you want to live a life of Breakthroughs. Live a life filled with Godly lessons, Godly peace and Godly joy. When you live a life like this, there’s now space for resentful friends who find competition with everything in life. Remove them. They do not deserve you.
They will waste your finances away with drinking and parties. Because YOLO somehow means selling yourself off to enslavement. These groups of women will lead you to anger, resentment, mistrust, malicious talk and gossiping.
Worldly friends with toxic & codependent beliefs
They will lead you to toxic ideas around men. That’s all I’ve seen. I watched them in observation, yet I was told I was the strange one. If you believe you can hang around these groups because you’re not doing what they’re doing you’re fooling yourself.
It may sound harsh to remove yourself from. These people, but I hope to inspire you away from them because they contribute to your beliefs. You can’t please God if you hang around people who believe it’s okay gossip. You are what you consistently do. So how can gossip about people, then want God’s judgement against people who hurt you.
That’s living an incoherent life. Your Life will become haphazard because your lives are flying all over flippity-flopping where they please. Your Life is more valuable than suffering from indecisiveness. Today I hope you decide to get rid of the most filthy thing slowing down your breakthrough.
Your Life Goals Need You to Choose 1 World
I didn’t realise there’s something wrong with mixing with this crowd until one former friend came to “visit me at work.” Once I realised that our worldviews and beliefs are clashing I ended the friendship. Then the worst thing happened.
The person came to my workplace to essentially prove their life is better and it’s worthless after losing them. That’s when it hit me; these people make comments like “what wrong with you,” when I choose not to have sex now because they assume they’re better than me.
I find it mindless to compete over hair length, hair in general, clothes, handbags, cars and men. Yet these kinds of women push you to compete with them. If you’re like me and don’t compete, stay away.
I never competed with anyone, but I never liked the words they spoke to me. Our fights would be around that: fighting to have them accept me as someone who doesn’t Date. What a waste of your breath
What a waste of your life. I should have seen back then fighting about my single status was glorifying. They found something we could compare over. What a useless journey. It’s a pathetic journey. Please remove these kinds of women from. Your Life. It’s taken me 18 years to see this but better now than late.
These kinds of women teach you how to be resentful, not thankful. They degrade your body. Having sex or multiple partners has never resulted in a fruitful life. Only shame, guilt, anger, resentment, lack of trust and bad beliefs come from such a life. Run from these women. Run fast.
Don’t Waste Your Life Over Mindless People
Remove yourself from such people. Run fast and away because the words you heart constantly will be your world. I’m not here to speak kindly to mean people. They will have their own post. I’m here to speak to people pleasers.
I’ve seen people go from people pleasers to malicious and unkind people. I believe something happens when you think kindness leads to a bad life. That is not true. Handling around malicious, worldly people will kill your humanity. Gossiping and hanging around gossipers will kill your kindness. Remove yourself from them.
If you keep letting people call you weird for choosing to wait, then you’re the only one suffering. I’m not waiting till I’m 45 to see the damage such a crowd will do to me. And so shouldn’t you. Your Life is too precious.
I eventually lost my virginity at 27, and regretted it. I realised these people are selling a lie like those cheap weight loss teas. Crap taste. Crop experience that only damages Dreams. I was really annoyed at myself because I really could have waited for marriage. Find yourself a Godly friend who will shape your idea on these issues, so you’re grounded in truth.
I was also annoyed because all of these girls didn’t win the lottery. They make it sound like having sex now is like winning the lottery. The man will treasure you, worship you and live up to all your dreams. This lie women must stop. Men have their own ideas and worshipping a woman is not one of them.
They also want to be treasures, so how will losing your virginity lead to the latter? If I could go back to highschool today it would be to tell my 18 year old self “Remove yourself from these people.” It’s okay to be unpopular.
Unpopular people go through pain, but don’t don’t go looking for it. People who encourage a life of drinking, mindless partying, financial loss, sex, drugs or men are actively looking for pain. They were not satisfied with a peaceful life. They desire pain and anger.
Why do you want this for your life?
Yes, ask yourself this question. Why do you want to actively seek pain? After being annoyed with losing my virginity, I started exploring what I could be doing with my life. What does a Godly life look like for single women? What does a lifestyle look like for when you have Godly friends?
Turns out they have the most fun. A life free from gossiping and plotting to get men is a life free from pain and worry. Why worry how to control someone when you could be planning your next trip. So here’s what I enjoy doing as a single person and also what I plan on doing as it enriches my life as opposed to bringing anger, fights and competition.
A Godly Life Plan will Help you Move Past What You See in Other People’s Lives
Firstly, such people do not have life plans. That is why their beliefs are incoherent and you can’t prove it. Having a boyfriend didn’t lead to better grades or health. So leave that idea behind.
What’s sad is people who compete over sex and possessions are the most lost in life. The most you can do is pray for them, and drop Kick the person to the side. I’m not sorry, but you don’t have to damage your life to save someone. Church can be the best place for them. Finally This post is for people pleasers, so people pleasers need to actively remove themselves.
Establish a life plan. I prayed in 2005 and God is answering it today. If you’re around women who say “you’re pathetic for being a virgin,” Remove yourself. I’m not encouraging you to be rude and not speak to them, but don’t let people so close to you influence your self-concept.
Having a life plan will anchor your life on Christ. It removed insecurities and fears over the future. Unlike people who use sex and material things as a way to identify themselves, you’re not lost.
A life plan allows you to gain a foundation to your purpose in life. What are you here for will be answered in what God repeatedly shows you. Then a Life plan will also set your values apart from others. All those times people in high school made me feel unworthy for not having a boyfriend was meaningless. They didn’t become millionaires or successful business owners for having boyfriends.
So why allow your life values to be swayed by mindless ideas. Explore and pray for Godly values that will help you make better friend choices and better life choices. These choices will not come with useless pain. Instead, even when a journey is difficult, you can find joy from it because there’s purpose.
What will you learn from being a mistress? Absolutely nothing, so remove yourself from such women
Learn how to set emotional boundaries
This post is for people pleasers, so it’s important I stress removing people and setting boundaries. Once you’ve established the core reasons why it benefits you to be a virgin, set core boundaries. I know this next advice may sound cold, but it’s the best option to setting your boundary.
If you find yourself around people who always question your singleness, or why you don’t drink, or why you don’t use money like X, learn to address it once. I’ve learned it’s a waste of your life repeating yourself. Reason being competitive women like creating as many arguments under the sun.
State it once. I’ve CHOSEN to live according to Godly practices and it’s my choice. What I do will not harm anyone but enrich me and my growth. Then stay silent.
What I’ve Learned is these groups that encourage sex and all will find ways to bring you down with words like weird, strange or weak. Stay silent. Your Life is not here to answer to mindless ideas. So make it a point to learn now when to answer people.
Don’t make yourself the topic of the day by answering, because that’s what satisfies lost people. You can choose to stare at them blank in the face until they find another victim or do not face them at all. Your worth is not tied to them. It doesn’t matter if you lose all these fake friends. Thank God.
That’s one less person who’ll hurt you and draw you away from God. You deserve friends who’ll draw you near to Jesus, so never feel like you need to entertain mindless ideas. You’re worth more than this.
Find a Godly Community
You know when I felt my most lonely being single and living the way I do, I found a prayer group. They became so therapeutic for me because they confirmed why I chose this life. You’ll always feel lost or easily anxious if you don’t have a Godly group.
That’s because like me, you’ll see there’s something wrong with this lifestyle. Yet you haven’t find someone to give you a better lifestyle. So what do you do when you realise you’re around fake friends and malicious people, find a Godly group.
But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
Hebrews 5:14 NIV
My ears used to sing whenever it was Bible time. It was so refreshing hearing things like “why does God love me,” or “You’re so worthy God made you above angels,” because it got me asking.
Unlike the women who were telling me to drink or sleep around, I was being told to be kind, forgive. You know the answers I need for my current growth opportunity. A Godly Community anchors you in Christ. Being anchored in Christ gives you meaning when life can’t. It gives you an identity beyond first place, girlfriend or top performer.
Christ gives you an identity away from rejection, loss of fat. If your friend group doesn’t give you more life, remove yourself from them. Do it now because your life is far more precious than taking 100 pictures with your fake friends for Facebook, Instagram or Tik Tok
Travel and Fill Your Life with Value-Driven Memories
The right friends will not lead you to live mindlessly. In highschool no one talks about budgeting or planning, but I quickly realised this is important in university. Of course after failing a couple of times. Yet my favourite bit about budgeting is getting to save for a big trip once a year.
I used to go to Florida every year while in the United States. Now I treat myself to a pop-up festival hosted BY Ohpis-mIx and so many other incredible and local fashion designers, brands and creators . I also love going to Malandelas, which is a restaurant known for hosting some of the biggest music art festivals in Southern Africa. You must try it.
It may sound harsh to remove yourself from. These people, but I’m only motivating you away from them because they contribute to your beliefs. You can’t please God if you hang around people who believe it’s okay to disobey leaders. You are what you consistently do. So how can you disobey your boss, but follow God? Don’t fool yourself.
Black Couture |Health & Wellness lifestyle blog 