By Zethu Zwane
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For the longest time I’ve had all kinds of friends. Great friends, bad friends and good friends. I’ve had friends who’ve positively influenced my life and friends who’ve negatively influenced my life.
In an attempt to find myself, I hung around good crowds and bad crowds. I believed that the crowd didn’t matter. As long as I don’t change. But that’s absolutely not true. Crowds that encourage drinking will turn you into an alcoholic. Crowds that love gossiping will influence how you see others.
I made excuses like we’ll I’m still a virgin, so I’m not influenced by their lives. This is so untrue. A bad crowd does more than just a simple like I wanted to believe in. They’re resentful, competative, and live for drama.
Cleaning House
You can’t blame your friends for where you end up in life. However the company around you will leave an imprint on your beliefs. For instance part of the reason for writing toxic relationships is due to the influence these relationships had on me.
I was never the dating type. And when I turned 28, I decided I wanted to wait till marriage because dating didn’t bring to my life all the things people say it would. They say dating will make you wise. When you date, you’re clued up about life. This was all extremely wrong.
Many people are lost, and trying to find themselves. A forty year old and a 18 year old will show similar behavior. That’s because if both are lost and feel purposeless, there’s no difference to how they treat you.
The fallacy people believe is dating will help you find yourself. How will dating someone with repressed feelings help you find yourself. It will leave you lost. People are not God; they’re imperfect, full of mixed feelings and can change without notice.
Friends who sell you this belief that you must date are normalizing purposeless. They’ve anchored their beliefs in people. They’ve tied their hopes to people who are fickle. There’s no divorce rate with Christ, and yet the idea falling in love will give you purpose. Odd right?
Especially when beliefs change like the seasons. Look at our political landscape? How many waves have we gone through between different t political spectrums?
Currently I’m writing for people pleasers, who need to seperate themselves from mindless beliefs. Friends who endorse such mindless beliefs like date now, are encouraging your heartbreak.
There’s more to life than dating. What about your God calling? The most valuable life lesson I’ve learned is learning to accept God’s love. God doesn’t love you through pain, Jesus loves you through all seasons of your life.
Dating the wrong people who’ll leave you heartbroken will corrupt your ideas on love. However, when you experience God’s love you’re empowered. You’ll learn to love unconditionally. You’ll learn how to bear with one another. You’ll also learn how to forgive those around you.
Do a Life check of the friends around you. If you can’t motivate them to change, and focus on God instead of finding the one then it’s time to clean house.
Harsh? But it’s true because these friends will continue to question your worth. You don’t need people questioning your worth based on how many people you’ve dated. Consequently remove people who believe a fulfilling life is a result of how many people you date.
Pretty People Don’t Have The Right Answer.
This one I needed to address. If you don’t know the halo effect in communication. Let me briefly explain. The halo effect is when you’re willing to believe someone who’s pretty. In a four study, it showed that pretty people get helped more often than average looking people.
Sad right? But more reasons why you should be seeking Christ to confirm your worth and not people. However, if yore surrounded by people with a pretty omplex, you need to remove them.
I’ve sat around crowds that believe being pretty gives them privileges. I remember sitting with a friend who was annoyed the average girl was dating the hottest guy in school. It’s the first time I asked myself are looks the only reason someone should date you.
It’s not until she started telling me what I deserve and what I don’t. In a previous article I said bad friends like this will tell you deserve this as long as it’s less than theirs.
People with a pretty girl complex have reduced themselves to supervificals. And by filling your self love cup with their beliefs, your confidence will drop. Slowly yheir words will sink into your beliefs.
Consequently, you’ll find yourself second guessing the job you take. You’ll second guess the car you deserve. You won’t won’t to wear pretty clothes because only pretty people are allowed to me seen.
It’s crucial you remove such friends from your life. If you’re thinking; “But wait, friend X is so kind and loving,” read my other article. Such Friends have hidden abusive words in their compliments. Meaning if you don’t catch the abuse, you’ll lose yourself.
Friends with Pretty Girl Complex have Misleading Beliefs
Worse yet we give so called beautiful people entitlement to tell us how to live life. Someone who’s lost and doesn’t know themselves, won’t make you wise by befriending them. Befriending pretty people doesn’t equate to success in life. Yet something about our interactions lead to this conclusion.
Going back to a previous point on popular teens in highschool, society tends to measure success based on superficial looks. This includes the words pretty people say. By exuding confidence, pretty people tend to say believable lies. When in reality what they can lead to more harm than goo. No matter how old they are: pretty lies will never come true.
Quote:As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.
1 Peter 1:14 NIV
https://1peter.bible/1-peter-1-14
Instead friends with a pretty girl complex will make you combative, competitive and
Malicious towards others. Why reduce your life to superficial looks? Looks will never give you meaning. What you should be doing is exploring your core values.
Do you know what really drives your happiness? Discovering your core values anchored in Christ will bring you overflowing joy. This is compared to measuring your happiness based on comparisons. Values anchored in Christ give you peace even when the journey is hard.
That’s because a difficult journey will be enjoyable even when you can’t see the end. Core values keep you rooted in a safe belief. Values such as unconditional love and generosity are in competition with prettu girl complex.
Yet having conditional love gives you a stronger confidence. A Godfidence doesn’t need reason to be bold.
Currently I’m a firm believer in separating yourself from such people. I’m for talking to anyone. I love talking to people, but befriending them is not necessary. The only condition to befriending any of these people mentioned up, is when you influence their change.
Only condition to befriending such people is if your company stops them gossping. If hanging around you stops them from competing with others and holding grudges. If I’d doesn’t then consider limiting how you bond with them.
They can become the activity friend. Look for an environment that doesn’t need you to talk like the movies or hiking. Once the hike is over, you go your seperate ways.
Or you can try whay I did. Have that hard conversation. I will warn you, I lost friends over this. But I’m a firm believer in living uor truth. And gossiping, mindless spending or dating are not my truths.
I sat all these friends down and explained that I’ve been misunderstood by so many people, so I don’t want to gossip. I’ve been judged for stupid reason, so I don’t like gossiping. I believe in waiting for marriage, so please don’t ask me why I don’t date.
I also highlighted difficult moments like Telling them when they call me stupid for not dating, it exposes them more than me. Which is true. I wanted to be bold not humble in those moments because no one has the right to call you stupid.
I even explain God is all I need to succeed in life. The people I meet are just a plus because you make life fun. I lost those friends. Actually the ghosted me, until they had no one left to ridicule. When I saw they came back becsue they needed a donkey to laugh at, I ended the relationship.
Your identity is so important. Don’t let bad or lost people influence you. If you can’t contribute change into your friends lives that means they don’t value your life. And you can say it in a diplomatic way. Say “when you say why did I get this or I can’t get this, I feel hurt.”
If your friend is not receptive to you the first time give them some time. I’ve learned praying over this is the best solution because God removes people with lightning speed if you ask. If you constantly pray, but see no change move on.
Yor self worth is a combinations of your individual beliefs, friends, family and community. The only way you live a life of Breakthroughs is by cleaning up your friend group.
Your empowerment will increase only when you prioritize Godly friendships. Your wisdom will grow only when emerge yourself in a Godly community. Your confidence will be strengthened once you choose the unconditional love of God.
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