By Zethu Zwane
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Similar to family, you can’t always choose who you work with. Coworkers who exhibit repressed emotions can be difficult work with. Ironically you’ll find unforgiving and competative people at church, volunteering group. You’ll find them among your family or friends.
This post should motivate you by answering the importance on why you should apologize in a world full of unforgiving people. When you experience those disappointments it’s best to remwbee this is the reason why we need God. If everyone accepted Christ into thier lives, we’d see more healing, restoration and forgiveness. Yet today that’s not the case.
Consequently running away or avoiding such personalities doesn’t help your growth. Actually running away teaches you how to be resentful and hold grudges. I didn’t see it like this at first, but remembering who you need to avoid is resentment and revenge related.
That means if you want to live in a forgiving world, start with learning how to forgive yourself. Part of forgiveness is bearing with one another, and you’ll see part of this right here in this post. What’s more, praying for discerent and creating personal boundaries will assist you when you feel like you can’t forgive in an unforgiving world. Especially if they’ve justified their behaviors and beliefs.
1.Reshaping Your own World Empwers You to Forgive Unforgiving Poeple
For these reasons internal change is more important for people pleasers. That’s because feeling rejected, lonely or abondoned can lead to people pleasing. All you wanted was to be understood, but now you’re sinning.
Yes people pleasing is a sin because you’re idolizing people to accept you. They become a focus. They become a goal. By focusing on people, you will lose yourself. That’s because focusing on people instead of separating their behavior from your identity will leave you lost.
If you don’t believe me, here’s a mindblowing example. In the late 1970s there was over 300 aircrashes. It wasn’t until they reviewed pilot and copilot interaction. The copilot could tell they were about to crash, but scared to notify the pilots due to cultural superiority.
How societal practices endorse sinful beliefs
Imagine dying because someone wanted to please a superior. It’s easy to judge. I’m sure you’d never want to use that plane company. However this is human nature. How many times have you seen coworkers stay quiet even when certain business decisions bring calamity. Think back to the lehman Brothers. Corrupt is endorsed by people pleasing.
Hostile jobs are endorsed by people turning a blind eye. Oppression is achieved by people people. People would rather praise someone than speak the truth. That means how you respond to people matters. Change needs to begin with you.
If you can change in a small and insignificant place of your life, it will empower you to change where it matters. However, let’s focus on today. The desire to dote on people who are unforgiving needs to be addressed.
Not idolizing People will help you put less expectations on People
People grovle all the time. From worshipping their bosses, worshipping their boyfriends to worshipping girlfriends. They worship top performers and athletes. While you’re busy mimicking the lives of others, you’re losing your purpose.
Unfortunately worshipping someone can lead to certain expectations. The belief that a boss will bring you financial success or a life upgrade. Yet reality hits you when they come in moody or hold back your salary. Their unforgiving nature and harsh words break the ideas you have.
For some of you experiencing lost dreams and expectations from such people brings pain. That’s why it’s more important for you to reshape what you expect from people, and also how to shape your own boundaries. That’s because witnessing an unforgiving person is a great reminder that people are not idols. They’re full of feelings.
Consequently, I’ve listed some of the best decisions you can make now to regain your trust in people. Ending people pleasing will empower you to act wisely even when the situation doesn’t allow. Use these tips to work bravely even when there’s culture of people pleasing.
2. Pray about it
Does this sound cheesy? Maybe but it’s also the best advice that has helped me find peace when someone refuses to change. Let’s use the example of my teamleader who hated me for ice-cream.
Sad right? But this was the first supervisor, who I didn’t get along with. I was heartbroken and crushed. I was always known for being friendly, so why couldn’t they like me.
That’s exactly what happens in the minds of people pleasers. Not being liked triggers a panic attack. People pleasers try to solve this by overperfoming. That’s what I did. Oh you asked me for a 25 page report, I’ll give it to you within 3 hours. I wouldn’t take breaks. I wouldn’t eat lunch, so I could deliver the report.
It made them hate me more. They pointed about people who study in the USA are egotistical. People with US degrees think they’re better than everyone. So completing reports fast and without fault was causing my trouble.
3. Learn to Seek God’s voice
You’d think I’d quit, but I wanted to hide my US degree. Sad right. But people pleasers would rather hide their talent if it means being accepted. I was like that copilot who’d risk people’s lives than speak up.
That’s when I started praying more. What I learned from praying is God will cover you with His overflowing peace. Suddenly one day I didn’t feel hurt when they spat on my US degree or choice of food. This peace caught me off guard. It can also work for you. When you put your issues in God’s hands, He does wonders.
That’s because 2 quarters went by, and I was curious why I wasn’t sad. I also noticed it because my teamleader had grown confident in berating me. So when I looked at her blank and shocked, she responded with a guilty face.
4. Learn to stand your ground
My dad says people who enjoy hurting people need to be looked at like their craze. When you do, it shocks them because they’re looking for fear. They’re not looking to be belittled. I know it’s daring, but it works! Check out a video by Charisma on Demand to see the benefits of standing your ground when facing intimidating people.
What I learned in my personal journey with Christ is unforgiving people will not change. However, God will approach you in the way you feel most loved. In this area, God wouldn’t leave me alone.Nehemiah is someone who faced unforgiving people, and learning how he trusted God will actually help you apply his methods practically.
He shielded me with peace, so a year later when facing similar poeple, I would be braver. In other areas of my growth with Christ, He would throw me in a difficult situation because He trusts me to do what it right. When you prioritize God above all else, He’ll trust you with more.
But people pleasing was something I needed His confidence more than my teamleader. Ironically it’s also the first time God sent someone to shield me.
God answers Prayer by Also Supplying Wisdom & Portection
My teamleader got worse. At the time, I didn’t know the importance of spiritual resting, so I started staring at my teamleader with disgust. They used to look at me with disgusting whenever I achieved something big.
So I started mimicking their face. Not by choice, but a lack of rest and addressing my feelings resulted in a distorted expression. I was praying for peace because I thought it was cool how God worked. But I didn’t know the importance of rest.
Similarly, rest will help you go through the trials of life without feelin as you can’t do it anymore. Have you noticed even military people and athletes prioritize rest between battles or performance, so they increase in effectiveness?
Your life requires the same commitment. You can’t escape negative, toxic or unforgiving people. You also can’t escape manipulative people; it almost feel like they waiting in some dark corner. That corner is uour lack of rest. As much as you can pray people forgive, you need to Forgive. Best solution to this is journaling. And pray journal will do wonders for your emotional health.
5. Pray Journal Your Testimonies
Safeguard your every experience with God. I remember ignoring pervasive thoughts like God never retrieved the $2,000. This was odd because I have the card as proof, but it was like the devil was after my relationship with Christ. You need to protect yourself from such lies by writing your testimonies down.
Let’s say one testimony God gave you rest. While you were resting, you saw Him battle for you. Then write it down, God gave me rest find a Bible story that is similar to you and use to put praise God. For example you can write Like Nehemiah, God gave you the confidence to continue with the project even when people don’t believe.
Your life breakthrough depends on these recordings because the devil is always looking for ways to distort the truth like in the garden of Eden. You need these written testimonies, to magnify Yahweh. Magnify Him as the God ofve . The God of Joy. The God of Hope
Magnifying God brings Confidence
I had to remember how God brought my first shield for my ice-cream supervisor. She was a major client who was seeing that my work was being stolen. The teamleader would take my work and give it to other teammates. I kept quiet about it believing in God’s protection.
The client asked to work with me in the evenings. We came up with a group of names for an event. The next day an emboldened teammate stole them after the teamleader allowed it.
The teammate jumped at the chance to present my ideas first. Then the client stopped her and laughed. She clarified that she and I had been working on these plans, and the teammate had no right to steal it. My teamleader looked at me with razor eyes.
When we got back to the office, the teamleader said people who go to the US always find reasons to lie. I was angry. Not spiritually resting will exhaust you. And you don’t want to be there because that’s when you lose yourself.
6. Learn to always focus on God when all things fail
By focusing on people again, I lost myself. I didn’t want to work. I gave useless reports. And focused on something else. Unfortunately it also meant I lost my Godly peace. I hated that more. While praying for peace to come with me to work, God highlighted how I was slacking at work.
Then when I wanted to feel guilty, the ministry group I attend at night reminded me of strategic rest. What you’re facing is a lot. Change in your beliefs can be overwhelming. I was growing from people pleasing to resting in God.
Yet it was overwhelming. It’s overwhelming because you’re walking into a place where people hate you for dumb reasons. Can you relate; being a woman in a patriarchal work culture can be stressful.
Being from a different neighborhood than the majority can be disappointing. Whether this is across the train tracks. Learning to accept people who won’t accept you can be tiresome. It’s only exhausting when you’re focused on people and not on God. Rest on Jesus Christ.
7. Learning to rest at Calvary Hill
Specifically if you grow tired, and begin to try it on your own. It’s tiring when you start addressing people according to your beliefs. The irony about my teamleader is they studied in Isreal and Turkey, so my degree was just an excuse.
I learned this when I went back to people pleasing. It actually angered me to learn they studied overseas. I thought “what kind of discrimination is this,” again trying to reason from my perspective. You can’t reason with unforgiveness. Just forgive and focus on the overflowing peace of God.
That’s brings me the a very vital point. You’ll find you have a 80% things in common with unforgiving people. None of that matters to them.
Unforgiving people don’t care about your similarities. When you realize you have so much in common with such people, put them out of your heart. You can still be kind, be your best and be friendly to unkind people. Ignore their behavior and stick with your response.
8. Forgiving unforgiving people teaching You unconditional Love
My teamleader, not knowing how to put me down, chose to ignore me. I’m not saying this will work with everyone, but every unforgiving person I’ve met will leave you alone. When you’ve decided not to be a victim, people will leave you alone.
That’s because putting you down doesn’t produce pleasure. I chose to hold a blank face and act as if I couldn’t hear them. Tjese days I chose kindness where possible. Their feelings should confirm your life. Is your life bad?
Are you bad? No, you don’t want to be right? So enjoy your life freely by being kind. After they’re done saying nasty things and focus on what I should do for work, I found that such people don’t come to you.
They’d come running to make your life difficult, but seeing you won’t accept being belittled, they ignore you. I believe it’s better to being ignored than beif bullied. Those experiences are your breakthrough. Once you became more forgiving, youre also choosing to enjoy life because there’s no one you’re hurting. Well the hope is you’ve full healed and living a life of Breakthroughs.
9. Enjoy Choosing Love
Finally the most valuable changes you’ll gain is to maintain communication with them. Although there’s s no logical for their hate, doesn’t mean you should stop talking to them. This kind of empowerment enables you to ask about their lives. Youll be able to joke around with them, and even asked about a concern they raised before.
It will empower you to learn about treating people kindly regardless of how they treated you. And when you became nasty, you can retrace your steps. Immediately, you’ll know it’s time for you to have a life reset, journal or self care evening.
A Life Reset is for major healing. If you’ve faced a big growth moment like a calling, or a difficult and painful chapter, you need a life reset. Most important is anchoring yourself back in Christ. Change needs mindful steps where you’re constantly praying God reveal to you what you see what you don’t see.
The best outcome is becoming empowered, mature and more kind. If you find yourself resentful, do the life reset. Remind yourself unforgiving poeple has nothing to do with you.
Finding similarities and focus on these. Focus on God and the peace He leaves you. All of these tips will help you mature and grow no matter the environment you face
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