By Zethu Zwane
“Lord I hate my life. I hate this passage. Lord I hate myself, I hate this situation, but please forgive for not coming to You with these feelings,” is a prayer I said in church while the pastor preached about my situation. I needed that sermon because I allowed the devil to have a footing in area that was meant for God.
Many people will tell you to be perfect. Countless people will tell you to be grateful without them knowing you’ve spent several nights unable to sleep because of what you’re facing. Unemployed without God must be death because unemployment with Christ has been a thorn. I feel like I had multiple thorns, ad God refused to remove them.
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By trying to listen to people about be grateful, be happy or else God won’t help you, I became resentful and angry. What an unfortunate moment because I didn’t 3ven cath myself becoming resentful. Instead my heart conspired with the devil who found footing in my life, and I became Resentful toward everyone. It’s not until that Sunday when the pastor started speaking to be. She carried an envelope and said I know how you feel.
People have stolen from you, slandered you, maliciously attacked you and laughed while doing it. She placed paper inside the envelope. She said you’re the paper and this envelope is God. She said people who face hardships alone are like paper without the envelope. The She stepped on, punched, kicked and threw the paper everywhere. It tore to pieces. It didn’t last.
However she took the envelope and she scrunched it up. She also stepped, kicked and tore the envelope apart. The ripe went all the way, but the paper inside it was safe. The paper was a 50 Emalangeni paper. It stayed intact. She said no matter how much people will swear at you, bully you, step on you, know you’re in Christ Jesus. Yet right now the spirit of anger, which is a foothold for the enemy is standing in your way.
Why do we shun anger when Elijah cried out to God saying he wants to end his life. God didn’t reprimand Elijah. And I have a close intimate relationship with Jesus; I’ve never been reprimanded for having fear, feelings of defeat. Yet listening to people know don’t carry your cross won’t understand why you’re resentful. They’ll tell you that “were all suffering.” You’re not all; you’re a Child of God.
So when I heard her say this, I already knew that the devil had footing in my life. I could feel the disturbance in my spirit, uet since society shuns anger I didn’t speak honestly to God. Once I spoke Honestly; “Lord I hate my life,” I felt a freedom to see the anger I was pouring out to the world was misplaced. I cried the entire sermon because finally someone helped me understand God has planted a thorn in these areas of my life. And it’s not about being strong to carry it alone.
Whenever you have a thorn in your life, don’t carry it alone. Instead give it to God whose power is made perfect in your weaknesses. I’ve looked felt very alone, isolated and defeated in these times. Yet that sermon reminded me that you’re never alone as a hold of God. God will carry you like the envelope carried that E50 note. Didn’t the buble say, take heart He has overcome the world?
Since Jesus has overcome the world, He will carry you through this passage. I needed to hear those words, not a reminder to be grateful. When Elijah wanted to die, God setan angel who gave him rest and supply. Whenever you feel a season is too heavy that you can’t fast, it’s time to have a Christian retreat of prayer and rest. I also hope you’ve got countless testimonies of God’s glory to help you see that it’s time to rest in His refuge.
By resting in God’s refuge, you can be filled back up. It will help you to recover, spiritually and emotionally. And since you’ve also confessed your weaknesses, you’ve made space for Christ to magnify His power in these areas. My retreat took place in the most prestine location; Ngwenya village. I knew the endless sea of green would help quiet my mind. The entire place is draped in lush green, and it is as beautifully quiet as Mlilwane. These emplacement became a sanctuary to me, and I love it.
A few suggestions
If you’re employed or an employer but want to do a Christian retreat here’s some tips. We all know that taking a week off work usually leaves you exhausted because a million things find you on that week. So prepare your family and friends that this comin week you’re doing nothing, but spending time with God. I believe when you’ve got a big family, you cant escape households life.
Your household has its own life, so dare I say it but you need to set strict boundaries and this coming week. Let your family know the importance of spending time with God, and you’ll be locking your room during certain hours. I think it’s okay to tell them this because I know first hand a big family doesn’t give you rest no matter the season! And I’m saying this while laughing because it’s true.
I’ve also included these boundaries in case your big family doesn’t go to church. It’s important they know your relationship with God and how this week is not for human stuff, but to spend time with your father. Like a puppy who needs it’s mother, or a baby needs the warmth of its mother chest, you need this time with God. This time is not for business, or any other human activities. You’ve got 365 days, 52 week, and 12 months to be busy.
Yet there’s something deeply intrinsic and healing about dedicating time for God outside of the scheduled times. These scheduled times are the Sabbath, Easter and other festival. These are set, but you’ve hosen to come int His presence. You’ve Horeb Horeb kneel at His thrown for a week in prayer, silence and praise. And believe me when I said this, but it did me well. It allowed me to mourn and praise and be filled up with God.
What you’ll need
- A physical Bible is a must. If you can borrow one because there’s something different about reading a physical book that’s differnt to phone
- A notebook to write down what the holy spirit reads back to you. If you’re a new believer, don’t worry this takes time, but it’s one of the most precious moments.
- A physical Bible study or a Bible study app for your afternoon reading.
- A prayer scarf. This can be your personal choice, but wvrr since I started prayer bowed down while fasting and praying , I always felt naked without a covering. So I have athe covering to show respect. It’s now a preference. I don’t use it all the time, but I like having it while fasting and praying.
- A floor mat, cushion or chair. Essentially this will be the same place where you’ll meet God, so no playing worldy music around this place or time. Keep it holy.
A reminder about spiritual warfare
If you’ll wake up at 4a.m. then use this prayer time for glorifying God. When God unbinded emotional and spiritual chains, I learned something about the deceits of spiritual warfare. In your every day life, you’ll allow so many things to be taken from you without you knowing it. Even small joys where you Loved the Lord will be stolen. This realization came to me the morning of my fast.
The night before I was listening to “Behold our God,” and it’s the most majestic song. The trumpets, the singers; everything about this song reminds me of that herioc moment in the movies when the hero comes to finally save them after a long war. It looked like they were going to be defeated, but like a piercing gold across the sky, the Saviour saves the day. I told myself I was going to praise with this song in the morning.
However that morning when I leaped put of sleep, a piercing pain accompanied the sound of the song. I was emotionally wounded for 5 seconds until I remember how I loved this song just 4 hours ago. Yes I stayed up praising for too long! Yet how did such a powerful and pleasing Godly sog become source of pain? I couldn’t believe it, so I started war praising with the song
Fasting and prayer shows you where the devil has a footing in your life
I didn’t change the song until these feelings of pain turned to joy, wonder and awe of God. That’s That’s they were the night before, and I didn’t want to the enemy to steal any kkre that he’s already stolen. Yet I couldn’t let go that the devil was reapinsibke for mny stolen joys I sat down and looked back at other Godly things I once loved then hated.
I was reminded of what my pastor said; if you hate anything of God’s know that this is the enemy’s attack on your life. As Christians, God calls you to have a sound mind, but I never knew it extended to prayer, fasting and praise. Then again anything that from God kingdom will come under attacked. Jesus was slandered and attacked long before you and I.
So one suggestion would be to ask God to show you areas where you’re weak, so you can pray over these areas. You can even do this a week before your home retreat. Remember this, if you’re unsatisfied about something in your life, this is a prayer request. You can write down areas you want to pray for during your afternoon and evenings prayers.
Turning to God when you’re disappointed
Don’t allow your heart to be hardened by present circumstances. Whatever you’re facing whether it be a thorn, the valley, grief, the wilderness or waiting season, God is there. Yahweh is everywhere in your life, so even as you feel like Jospeh in prison remember it said that everyone forgot, but God. God will never forget you no matter how stuck you feel.
Then I believe it’s okay to mourn, so that you let go of every feeling you’re facing. My fear is if you don’t mourn properly and honestly, you’ll turn away to false teachings. I see this countless times in my country. People go to false prohets who say use bleach, pest spray and you’ll be delivered. Isn’t that the most sad form of loss. You knew God, but but by refusing or denying yourself proper grieving of an idea, it caught you in a snare.
What’s more Peter was in prison and it was praise that broke the chains of oppression. I beelieev you can still praise while grieving and see God breaking off chains of oppression, lack an deceit. Pray, read your Bible and praise until you see a change. Prepare yourself a week or 2 in advance to pray for these areas where you have a need. Submit all your fears and requests to God. Then you’ll experience the overflowing presence of God.
Your morning routine with God
Think of your 4a.m prayer time like a moment to praise and worship God. The first time you do this, it will be weird and feel mechanical, but luckily your faith is not based on feelings. It’s based on having faith and love for God! What a beautiful reminder, and it you should celebrate it because waking up to Him is the best sacrifice you’ve made in your day.
I like to use 4 to 8 songs to praise, unless each song is 10 minutes long then I try keep it to 4 minimum. Praise is sime way of following how to praise God. You’re lifting up His name above your circumstances. You’re reminding yourself yourself magnify Him above the noise. You want to be just Jesus’s who slep in the midst of a storm, so praise God as of seeking to rest in Him in this moment.
Conversely when life was too hard, I used silence as praise. Many times you won’t have the words for your pain, so I put aside 10 minutes of silence. Whether in praise or silence, I’d start the day bowing down to God. Or if it’s too difficult, bow on your bed. Yet bowing down is biblical in reverence yo your Saviour. You’ll also appreciate it because it’s a deliberate step of submission yo the throne of God before you present your petitions.
Why I Bible diwn in prayer
Bowing down and praising has helped me seperate my intentions before the day begins. And it will help you seperate your mind from the day ahead. It will help you enter jnto the spirt, so make every effort to praise until your mind quietens down. Another valuable lesson I’ve learned is jot to rush my prayers. On ther days, your prayers will feel rushed, and if you’re like you’ll notice this when you stad up to leave for work or to clean the house.
Best part about your home Christian retreat is that you’ve got all the time in the world. Remember you told your family this week is non negotiable? Even better if you’re single; the only responsibilities you have us giving gyourself fully to the Lord. After some time in praise then you can pray and present your deepest petitions to God.
Before you read your Bible, ask God to come unto your reading and help you see something you otherwise would have missed. This is where reading Bible studies comes handy! After reading many Bible studies, I now read the Bible and am reminded of something I read in later chapters or in the New testament. That’s the most exciting part of your journey; when you can piece together bible stories and messages
Always keep your Bible notes book at hand. The mornings are so unforgettable because you mind is less crowded with the things ofbthis world. That means your spirit is more open to hearing from God, seeing and experiencing God in deeper and more meaningful ways. Don’t forget a testimony can happen at any time, but your deliberate act of choosing this hour is sacred and God will notice.
Your Breaktime morning routine
You can set this around 10a.m. between cleaning the house or after your morning walk. You’ll definitely have many things to pray about, so the best way to help you navigate your prayers is by doing bunke study on these areas. For example I said “I hate my life,” which reminded me I’ve forgotten what it means to be a child of God. Consequently your best solution is to pair a “who is God,” bible study with what it means to be a Child of God
Alternatively, you could be feeling useless, valueless and that’s why you hate your life. If that’s the case reading a Bible study on “finding your purpose,” and “submiting your life to God,” will help you navigate this life. Be prepared to be wrong. If you don’t receive ant revelation or information where you’re wrong then your mindset is wrong. As a child of God, you should count it a blessing when God corrects, reprimand or disciplines you.
I want you to read carefully those Bible verses when God leaves people to their own thinking. They wind up walking toward death and gnashing of the teeth. That eats God dint love them, but when He reprimands you, it means God still has a plan for you. This is something worthy to celebrate because many people don’t know why they exist they move through life bashing OK the same wall.
God reprimands you, so you move away from evil
Yet when God is moving in your life, you’ll see what idols to let go. You’ll learn that your heart lives to lie and lies about your life. That’s why I encourage you to celebrate it when your wrongs are exposed because God has forsaken you. God still loves you and it means He has plans for you. Whenever you receive such information, stop and pray and this this new topic on your prayer list
Don’t pray about it this day, but consider reading and praying about it in the evenings. If you’re like why life’s finishing things till the end, then app this new prayer item once youvee finished your other bible studies. This one is also more wise to do because you down want want jump the gun on a revelations if you do this, it means you’re a perfectionish.
And if you’re a perfectionist welcome to the club! I’m a mid-former perfectionist and performance freak, and God has done a lot to untangle this idol in my life. As a result by bookmarking any revelation you receive is you acknowledging you don’t have to fix it all. And thats exactly why you’ll have a thorn; It’s God’s graceful reminder you need Him. Instead keep focusing o the prayer areas you receive.
When a revelation calls you to put on the full Armour of God
On the other hand if this prayer study reveals a specific target then pray in depth about it. For example when God made me sit somewhere someone was stealing, I felt odd. I didn’t know who or what was making me feel uncomfortable. It’s only after I saw the patterns if theft that I started praying specifically against it. If a bible study leads to revelation or information like this, then you’re praying over the same situation, but in depth.
What you’ll love about deepening your prayers as a result of a revelation is now you’re putting on the full Armour of God. Like I mentioned early be prayong about this retreat a week or 2 in advance. You’ll value this moment as well because you’ll see the revelations you receive during your prayer time are because you asked God to go before you.
Previously you didn’t know the exact things to say. You just had a gut feeling or were seeing things that don’t go according to God’s kingdom. For me when I saw the stealing I wanted to pray about God’s presence. The reason for this is my country is deeply pagan and people magnify witchcraft on the same level. I’ve heard Christian speak, and all you hear is fear-based Christinity. So the first thing I asserted is God holds all dominion under heaven and on earth.
The word of God is a double edge sword
Continue magnifying God’s name by saying God created evrurtuing; including these wooden items used to make these pagon idols. Then borrow from 2 Corinthians; God has destroyed all arguments and lofty opinions raised up against the knowledge of God. During that season when I was watching stealing , in a previous God told me that wicked people will say what they do is good and what you do is bad.
So when you repeat 2 Corinthians, you’re speaking against what will come. And guess what; when I exposed the truth it took a week to justify it because the wicked did say I was wrong. Yet praise God because I won that battle in prayer. I was never called to explain my patterns and evidence, yet God won this victory for me.
Speaking the names of God according to your season
Due to the trials and hardships I’m facing, I love asking God to go before me as a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. Maybe you need Abba Father because you need to be filled with love. Ask for Him. Or you’ll need Jehovah Nissi because you need provision before your retreat.
Whoever you need in this season, call God by His names. Each of His names have power and provision for you. Remember to ask Him to cover you with the blood of Jesus Christ and that only His presence be with you. Then pray that God cover you with the blood of Jesus Christ. And not over cover you, but elaborte on what God should cover
You’ve been given the power to speak power over your life. Speak don’t use this retreat to babble like the pagans. If you’re writer the write down all your prayer petitions. Youll also see the victory of God when you divide these prayer requests into titles; your family, your community, your career, provision, forgiveness, your hurts andwhy you feel defeated.
It’s also okay and advisable to request to see what God’s doing and prayer for God to strengthen your spirit. That’s because when you’re defeated, your hearts posture is way off and heavily emotional. That’s why asking God to fill you is asking for His power to overflow in these areas where you’re weak. You need Christ and His healing and peace surpasses all your understanding. So call on Him to fill you up in areas where you’re defeated.
Your Noon schedule can be 1 of 2 things
You can use 12 noon as a chance to go deeper in prayer, but I think if you had stopped, you didn’t have enough time to reflect on your 10a.m. study session. That’s why Your best opportunity here is to have a praising session. Just listen to music and journey. Previously I said I learned the value of Journaling when the devil tried stealing my testimonies.
You see the thoughts will start small before becoming pervasive. And if you allow the enemy to steal small areas of your life like a Godly song then he’ll steal bigger areas. For example the devil will steal areas where God moved during a critical area in your life. Consequently this us why you’ve brought a note book for this retreat. Spend this time journaling and thoughts you have while listening listening Christian music.
Personally this is also the perfect time for a selfcare hour. If you’ve ever seen my tweets, there’s nothing I love more than puppies, coffee and a good eye cream. Go out and take a walk with your dogs, or cuddle up with your dogs under the sun. Or better yet go outside and write in your journal or catch up with a Christian blog for this afternoon session.
Whatever you choose to do it must be a break from thinking about your problems. Instead you’ll gain more healing spaces in Christ when you let go. When you find God in these kinds of healing spaces it creates room emotional, spiritual and physical healing. While I was surrounded by lush green mountains I did facials, drank coffee and . I know I cshould have switched to a green tea but it’s been 4 months since I drank coffee.
Your evening time routine
I love having an evening routine close to when I sleep. However, anytime in the evening that works for you is perfect. Establish a set time because the Bible says God appears during those times. God respects order and timing, so when you create a consistent time to pray to Him, He will respect it, you’ll also notice the difference.
Usually in the evening I use to it have a bibke study with a friend. I’m so glad God brought us together, and it’s been the most fulfilling time ever. You can Use this time to pray about bigger issue like crime in your area or country. I believe your testimonies can include seeing God moving in your country. I was first convinced of this while watching a women conference.
The women got together to pray for safety and for Gofd to defeat the spirit of criminality in their community. The following year Ina gazette, their community was ranked as one of the safest places to live. Since then I always remind God that heaven is his home, but earth is His footstool. I say this to Him because I want to have such an immense presence of the Lord that if the tassels of His robe would touch my area, I believe God will remove all forms of evil in that place.
Where 2 or more are gathered
Likewise, when you come together as women ministry or prayer group, you’re strengthening your prayers. We should not live in fear that God is not concerned about corruption, greed or inequality. God cares about all these issues that lead to crime and death. So use your evenings to pray for His presence over your location.
Finally I also pray this way because my location can sometimes feel like pagan area that’s heaping up sin after sin. This is also the main reason why I’m no longer a fan of mainstream media; it just teaches you how how be against the kingdom of God.
Yet you’ll also feel this way after drowning your mind in the newspaper and online news. It’s important to remind yourself that God predestined this world. Yes the devil is doing all he can to bring destruction, but remember God has already set a time for his end.
Praying for your community
As a result it’s important for us Christians to be reminded the communities around us need Christ Jesus. They’re still living blind, and that’s why you’re exposed to corruption, bad bosses, greed and crime. In these prayers you’re reminded to anticipate heaven. You’re reminded to pray for God’s return. Wouldn’t you want want finally live in a Godly peace?
Honestly when I finished my retreat, I had more prayers than answers. This time I was happy because God showed me areas where I should be specific. Don’t you just love those moments. You going from feeling there’s something wrong or missing here to finally seeing where God wants you to pray. I would say this kind of wee us a successful week.
Reading the Bible, praying and fasting is the only way to redeem and restore
Always remember to arm yourself with the Word of God, and don’t be afraid. Whatever you fear, counter it with a bible study to help you see that God has won in all areas of your life. Think about it this way, if God defeated death, your problems are no match for the Lord God Almighty. Finally take your time to healing. Let go of what God said to let go and focus on the present.
The beauty of a retreat is there’s no pressure to plan. This makes it the perfect way to anchor yourself back into Christ and His power. Move away from people or things that magnify problems over God and this will help you successfully start moving. Get your passion back and begin loving life again!
Live a Life of Breakthroughs
But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
1 Corinthians 15:10 KJV
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