By Zethu Zwane
Your friendship groups matter more than you know. That’s why when I wrote 50 life lessons on Friendship, I had to make several follow-up series on it because so much was needed to be said. And today there’s something important for you to remember. I was talking to someone recently, and they reminded me of friends who rejected me.
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Briefly, I was friends with women who idolised earthly possessions. They treasured money so much that you could only be their friend when you were successful. On my blog I said this is detrimental to a thriving woman’s life plan because God will take you through the Wilderness, which may eliminate your spending power. God will strip away certain things from you to purge you of your idols and desires.
Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.
Ecclesiastes 5:10 NIV
God will also become like the Pillar of Cloud in your life. Some days His cloud moves in a day. In a different season, this cloud moves after a year. However when you have friends who exalt money or possessions, you’ll suffer. That’s because these friends will influence you to internalise this season as an intrinsic failure. They’ll treat you like you’re a leper, so they can’t remain your friends. This is not God’s plan.
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” [6] So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”
Hebrews 13:5-6 NIV
Not every friends is suitable to walk with you in lack and abundance
I’ve been there and I personally know how heartbreaking it is to try keeping such friends. That’s why in my series you’ll notice that I repeated don’t wait till you’re 25, don’t wait till you’re 45 or don’t wait till you’re 66 to remove such friends. Well in most cases they’ve left you for “financially better friends,” who seem to be growing. It’s unfortunate that this bias is seen among Christians and non-believers.
“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, [14] if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, [15] then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. [16] You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. [17] Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.
Job 11:13-17 NIV
Strange right! Especially for Christians who know Job’s story. Didn’t they highlight the part when Job’s friends misjudged him because they thought he had sinned? That’s why it’s a pity when Chriatians judge forgetting that God’s hand is always over your seasons of abundance and your seasons of lack.
God gives and God takes. It’s done to strength you, and it’s due to God’s mysteriousness, which your human understanding can’t understand. To some degree I understand God’s reasons because you’re blind to your heart’s deceits.
If you’re in a drought, season of lack or have a need remove friends who’ll hurt your peace & plans
None of you know when your heart will forsake God, and go about doing as your please. In other instances, you’re merely experiencing the realities of your life. Even suffering or experiencing delays, God did say that through Him you’ll find deliverance, peace and comfort.
After the Lord had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “I am angry with you and your two friends, because you have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has. [8] So now take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and sacrifice a burnt offering for yourselves. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his prayer and not deal with you according to your folly. You have not spoken the truth about me, as my servant Job has.”
Job 42:7-8 NIV
Remember droughts affects us all, so why do people discriminate when you’re in a drought. Whats more, geographer says droughts are one of the climate effects that can’t be tracked. Consequently, it’s better you wait through it. Plus droughts can be emotional like “I don’t have children,” or dourghts can be spiritual like suffering from anxiety.
Droughts can also be physical like in my case with my business. Every day you plow, and you can’t see whether the seeds are growing or it’s another failed $178,000 project. What I know is even in a drought, I learned the tough way that you’ve got to pray for your friends. Don’t keep friends when they’ll destroy your business. That’s why it’s important to seperate what God says and social pressure or fake friends. I say this because I’ve had people befriend me for the wrong reasons.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. [13] I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:12-13 NIV
Later blog posts, I met 1 fake friends who wasn’t honest. Soon after I found out that this person steals from entrepreneurs. During that season, I mentioned that these people are friends who drip poison because they come under the pretext of friendship, but they’ll pinch your children or family members, and they’ll steal from your business.
Whenever you’re rejected, pray that you don’t internalise other people’s words
Unfortunately I’ve seen 23 year olds do this. I’ve seen 55 year olds and I’ve witnessed a 35 year old do this. As a result it’s not an age issue, or an issue from that generation, but it’s a personal issue. Witnessing someone buy me a $300 meal before asking for $30,000 revealed so much about praying for the right friends. All of this you’ll find in my friendship series.
One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
Proverbs 18:24 NIV
Today I want to address you, the one who’s internalising people leaving your life. I know it’s painful when someone tells you that they can’t be your friends because you’re a failure. They say that being your friend will hold them back. Isn’t strange what people use as qualifiers to be their friend?
51 Bible Verses when you need to be filled with hope after many rejections, adversity and harsships
For me, my friends ended our friendship because I didn’t have a car or a boyfriend. They concluded that staying friends with me would become a detriment to their lives. How strange is it that people demand you have a car when a car is an expense. This is why a life plan is crucial. At the time establishing my business was more important than looking successful. Inwanted the seeds to flourish, and for God to bless the works of my hands. I wasn’t and I’m still not interested in looking what I’m not.
Go rest in God’s secret place when the world seems harsh
At the time I had the funds, yet to carry my business. For you, you might have the money, but enough to support your family. Why deplete your resources to please friends? You need Godly friends, not just a friend. Clinging to God helps you heal from the rejections of this world. Trust me when I say without God it’s difficult to find hope when you’re rejected for 5 years.
Without God it’s impossible. You end up believing in their words. Yet with God all things are possible and God will crown you before your breakthrough. He’s choose you before delivering you from your hardships. He will not treat you like a financial leper.
Instead He will crown you even before He crowns you. In this world, people will hurt you over superficial things. Unlike God, they don’t see behind the scenes when you’re working. That’s why even the posters I this blog are people working.
Whether it’s you working or God’s working, God is always working all things for those who love Him. All you need to do is change your thinking from why your friends left to God’s word. Go rest in God’s secret place and keep clinging to Him
Realising you’ve befriended people who don’t understand a life purpose
The irony is they never asked me that it took $10,000 to maintain my business, hence no car. Transportaion is great; they just didn’t want to be seen with a friend who uses public transit. They never understood why I was waiting on God for marriage as opposed to dating broken men who’d worsen any ideas of life. No matter what reasons your friends gave you, I want you to remember this moment.
In this life you’ll go through victories and many darkness. You deserve and should surround yourself with Godly people who understand the purpose of lack. Yes I was down and out, but funny enough it’s not the first time. That’s life; it has its ups and downs, but as Christians and thriving women, remember this. God is the source that allows Isaac’s well to overflow.
I say this because I had a friend who would deliberately look the other way whenever she saw me by the bus shelter. I don’t know where this new habits came from, but it went on for 3 months. Don’t allow the constant pressure from society move you away from your life plans. Read here to see how you can break free from decision-making fatigue.
Watching people rush back after a big win shows you that you are not the problem
Now recall that $2,000 money God helped me win back? Well a week after God helped me retrieve this money, this same friend who used to leave me in the dust, came running after me. She was high in spirit talking to me like she had never ignored me. Yet when I asked for a reason for previously leaving, she blocked me again. Listen, I forgive her for these actions, but this is how some people think.
The majority of people are so convinced that material wealth makes a friend to the point they’ll come back to you when you’re successful. This is not good. Yet when you’re down and out they’ll immediately leave you. I was shocked by the immediate change in her behaviour because she treated me like a leper. Yet when I gained the $2,000 back, she came running asking us to go on holiday. I don’t recall these moments because of unforgiveness.
No, I’m not driven by unforgiveness. I’m recalling these moments to remind you not to internalise the brokenness of this world. And yes it’s toxic! Think about it, you’ve been reduced and quantified by what you wear, drive or eat is tiresome. That’s why when people exit your life, take note of their reasons. In many cases it’s useless. People’s reasons to leave you only reflect the tower of Babel.
Why turning to God during rejection will remove all limits and empower you
Friends who subscribe to the world’s ideas will leave you because they believe you can’t add any value to their lives. Yet in this season of working on my business, a church mom reminded me of the power of waiting on God. She said that unemployment weaned her off relying on her salary. It exposed that she believed her salary is the source to all provisions. Yet following a year of waiting on God, she says she’s seen God as Jehovah Jireh.
Similarly, I’ve experienced something like her. In earlier blog posts I said unemployment and working for myself exposed the cushioning that comes with a salary. Being an employee means you don’t really nurture your prayer life. My prayer life was mediocre at best because my salary gave me what I thought I needed. It blurred just how big of a need I had in my life.
Yet when I started working on my business and not seeing results, I started seeing many other issues. I learned money will not solve illness, unforgiveness, anxiety or depression. You can be the richest person in the world, yet remain depressed. That’s why you’ll watch YouTube videos of celebrities saying sometimes they hate going home because the emptiness of the house exposes their lack.
A season of lack exposes how much you need God over any award and honor
Don’t be surprised by the bias of this world because people will reprimand those celebrities for saying that. People will say; “how are you depressed when you’re rich!” Is money the source of all satisfaction or is Jesus Christ the source of all provision? This is why the richest people will kill themselves. Now tell me again those women who stopped being my friend because I couldn’t wear a certain brand of lipstick, are those friends?
People overlook God as the living God in those moments. As opposed to Acknowledging that you have your own individual plan, people want a copy-paste life. They expect you to have a cookie-cutter life that mirrors everyone else. Yet this is extremely impossible. I’ll share with you my siblings’ lives another day, but we’re different.
Since my brother and I have taken on entrepreneurship, our paths are drastically different from each other. Everyone enjoys seeing a success story when the individual is polished and pristine, yet every few want to be reminded of the uphill climb? Can’t you say the same for athletes? People enjoy the 90 minute football game, but very few would watch those YouTube videos of him training.
Honestly most people don’t care about your hurdles until your breakthrough
People hardly pay attention to the sacrifices you have to make to get to where you are today. Even if you’re not at the top and you’re still moving door to door selling your products, people will disregard those moments. People will disregard how God is purging you of all wickedness, and that’s why I’m writing this today. I want to stop you from internalising what people say.
The sermon I’ve coined as my year’s motto is to cling to God even as people spit on you, slander you, kick you, punch you or laugh at you. When you cling to God, you’re removing yourself from the harshness of this world. Trust me when I say without Christ, I would have withered away due to the recent defeats I faced. I even had to tell God this because I saw 1 of the people who hurt me, and I said I was only able to forgive because God had strengthened me.
With God I was able to move past those painful words. I didn’t internalise what was said. Stop internalising what people say to you, so that you’ll take on God’s peace that surpasses all understanding. I completely understand what that verse means now because by seeking God in rejection, you’ll receive His overflowing love. And His love will help you understand that people reject you based on the brokenness of this world.
A season of lack is a blessing because it reminds you of just how much you need God
As humans you’re limited regardless of how much money you have, yet God is unlimited. God doesn’t need money to restore, redeem and provide for you; He’s the Most High God. He’s Jehovah Jireh. Then I also learned another thing about establishing my business; my salary confined God within certain parameters. That’s when I started saying on my blog, we all want God to do a something great in our lives, but it must be according to certain steps.
Very soon people’s faith dwindles because God didn’t answer according to their understanding. You want God to do something great, but within a quarter like a sales target. Some of you insist that God must work all things out according to your battle plan. Yet God’s ways are above your thinking, so why limit God’s infinite power to human confines. I’m mentioning all of this to remind you that your journey has purpose. In Christ, even unemployment has purpose.
Even those areas where you had to stop with the cloud. Those months you sat at home working and without success had purpose. Those years you went out seeking clients, but failed still had purpose. I find it funny how human behaviour is the same yesterday, today and forever because people will move away from you when you look like a failure, but will come running when you’ve succeeded.
Learning to accept yourself whether you have friends or you’re left with God
Now this doesn’t mean you should repay people with how they treated you, no! All that’s been said above is to highlight the most important part that those friends have missed. The greatest growth opportunity in lack is that God is the source of your provision.
God gives and God takes. In some sermons they said God took from you to test just how much you love the Lord your God. I’m against this new Christian movement that says God can never make me poor because; “that’s not my God.”
Such a belief is detrimental to your relationship with God. That’s because God is that God. Before all things, God is your Adornai. He’s your Master and as your Savior and King, He also operates as the Potter. When your Master becomes your Potter it means He will take you through those deep waters. Yet like the storm that hit the disciples and Jesus, your only job is to go rest beside God until the storm subsides.
Don’t fear the storms in your life like the disciples. Don’t turn in unfaithfulness like the disciples did when the winds came crushing. That’s why when friends leave you in lack, count it as a blessing. Moreover, deepen your prayer life like I did. I realised I was hiding many things behind money. Money will solve my yearning for marriage, and how sad is that because it meant I had internalised why friends left.
Keep praying, so when God exposes what you get eternalised pray to forgive and let go
Not only this but another exposed area was money will solve keeping friends. Maybe if I get a better degree, my next friends will stay. If you’re thinking of similar words, put an end to it now! Keep praying to forgive and let go. God is the source where all things good flow in your life. And when the realities of this world hit like recessions, God is your shelter away from the scorching sun.
I want to leave you with my most recent favourite song. It’s called My Help by Brooklyn Tabernacle. It’s a beautiful reminder that you can wait in unemployment because God is your Help. It reminds you that you can wait on your business because God is your Shield, and it reminds you that you can wait in lack because God is your portion.
The things of this world do fade; trust me! Just put on the wrong setting on the washing machine and look! Your favourite woollen sweater is the size of a 3 year old baby! I mean what happened. Why does this happen! Okay all jokes aside, but God is the eternal source that overflows regardless of the economic or political situation in your life. Yes you’ll grief the loss of your friendships, but remain in God.
A life that’s clinging to God is the greatest blessing, so keep clinging onto Him
Whenever you find yourself among such people, count it as a blessing. Thank God that they’ve left and pray for better Godly friends who’ll walk with you whether in lack or abundance. And this time is the most perfect time to join a Godly community who’ll minister to you. That’s because you’re not your money and possessions. You’re a child of God.
Lift up your eyes to heaven and enjoy the company of a Godly church who’ll nurture you, care for you and walk with you in all seasons. Then thank God because no matter in lack or abundance, God holds all dominion on earth and in heaven and the real blessing in your life comes from clinging to the Holy One of Israel who’ll supply you according to His perfect plan.
Praise God for this season and staying with a Godly community will separate you from internalising the rejections you face. Instead do a Bible study on relationships and keep praying till God gives you friends who’ll encourage you to love Him more, wait for Him in Faithfulness and dance and sing while in lack! This is the true blessing in your life.
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